This is so trite, but I figured since I'm such a snit 99% of the time, I should give you a dumb list of what I'm thankful for. Unlike my sister, I do love the traditions of the holidays - something about the OCD super-scheduler in me doesn't mind that we do things the same way every year, but I'm really more of a Christmas girl than Thanksgiving. To me Thanksgiving seems like it should be...more, somehow. Mostly it's just a really overly complicated meal and then it's wondering how soon you can go home without being rude. That said, I love the meal. The meal rules, mostly as leftovers later that night while watching a movie and drinking a beer. Anyway, here it is in no particular order:

What I'm Thankful For

- I'm Thankful for a holiday in which Jesus is not the Reason. Thanksgiving is for everyone (except the Commies! I know certain people are thinking, "But hey, that's you!" but I can't change what people think.) I'm sure I'm offending all kinds of folks by celebrating a secular Christmas but I comfort myself in knowing that most winter holiday festivities were retro-fitted from ye olde pagan days, so that's fine too. Mele Kalikimaka, bitches.

- Mashed Potatoes. My mother always served rice at Thanksgiving but a few years back my sister and I put our foot down and started making mashed potatoes. This year I'm in charge of them and they will be AWESOME. My secret ingredient? Angst!

- Simon and Garfunkel, just because I'm never not in the mood to hear "Mrs. Robinson" on the radio.

- Kate, who's happy to ditch the gym with me and have drinks and gnocchi instead.

- The old-country grandma who I see every morning when I drive to work. She stands outside the house and waits for the school bus so the grandchildren don't have to stand out in the cold. She's lumpy and rosy and I love the multi-colored poncho she sometimes wears.

- Fresh Hell, for keeping me up-to-date on the hilarious adventures of Red and Dusty.

-The new James Bond. Especially in this bathing suit. Yes indeed.

- NetFlix, the best service ever.

- My husband's sense of humor. His imitation of me twitching during the latest Subway commercial (It's a sanDwich, Jared! There's a D in there that would love to be pronounced!) had me laughing so hard I had tears running down my face. He's awesome (my husband, not Jared.)

- My beautiful handbags, which are third on the list of things I'd rescue if the house was on fire.

- Veronica Mars for being so sassy, though damn, girl, why didn't you take Logan's call last night? His face. Did you see his face?

And because I'm me, things I'm Certainly Not Thankful for:

- People who sing along in public to piped-in music. Shut. It. I don't care if you can sing or not, I don't want to hear you.

- Crap drivers. If it's raining and you're driving, turn on your goddamn headlights. Please.

- Torrential rain, go away.

- The eyelid, it's still twitchy.

- Michael Richards, who's ruining the fine legacy of Cosmo Kramer. It's shameful.

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