Two comments? I pass out and nearly LOSE MY TOE and I get two lousy comments, both from people I've known my whole life? You guys are lame but I guess I'm the one measuring my self-esteem by how many reader comments I get. Hmph. I mean, shit. Who reads this thing anyway? Do I have lurkers? I like to think that I do.

Moving on, I think I've figured out part of why I hate the mailroom guy so much - he has never, ever said anything to me, he just talks at me and it's all pre-programmed bullshit. He's never ever just said, "hey, how are you?" It's always some idiotic joke or catchphrase. Earlier I walked out to my car to get my sweater (because my office is -10 degrees, always) and on my way back in the idiot (WHO I CAN HEAR IN THE HALL RIGHT NOW) saw me and said, "Noooo!!! You're going the wrong way! Home is the other way!"

The fuck? What am I supposed to say? I just did my tight-smile-walk-faster thing. I once heard him threatening to tickle someone who got on the elevator with him and I'd really almost welcome that because then I'd have an excuse to punch him in the throat.

Speaking of the elevator, which is right outside my door, why on earth? I understand that in a three-story building an elevator is occasionally necessary, but that thing gets some serious use. The other day several very healthy people were standing around waiting for it and complaining about how small and slow it is. Here's an idea: TAKE THE STAIRS, LAZY. So much faster! Very spacious! Never gets stuck! Sheesh.

I'm having complaint deja vu.

So last night was totally fun. In a crazy turn-around we did not have dinner in front of the TV, but instead went to a professional road bike crit called the Captech Classic. It's not fun for the teams who have to do a bazillion laps uphill, but it is fun for us who get to drink cheap beer and talk to our friends and stop to cheer every five minutes or so. I really wish they'd do more events like that downtown because nothing good ever comes to Richmond so we're that much more appreciative of it when it does.

Before we went I decided to take the Nova to the gas station for a quick pre-sale vacuum and cheap car wash. I did technically wash it last weekend but the birds have been pooing with crazy abandon and all my hard work was being ruined by shit.

The car wash was...an experience. Kenny went with me and we soon learned that maybe he should have just gone and left me at home. The car wash was elderly and malfunctioning, to say the least. I pulled up to the computer thingy and looked at the receipt for my code. The receipt had cut off at a weird place so it was hard to tell which random number the code was. Also, the LED display was unreadable and the electronic voice sort of warped. Sweet.

I finally succeeded in giving the machine a number that satisfied it and...nothing happened. No green light. What to do? Kenny finally just told me to pull in so I did, a little. No green light, no red light. I stop. Kenny tells me to keep going and I do, but I'm angry because nothing is working! Nothing is lighting up! The sprayer thing sprayed for a second and then stopped, further confusing me. The following, um, conversation ensued.

K: PULL UP.
Me: I DID.
K: KEEP GOING!
Me: FINE!
*dire crunching noise*
Me: shriek!
K: STOP. WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
Me: YOU SAID TO GO.
K: STOP! FOR. THE. RED. LIGHT.
Me: WHAT LIGHT?! IT'S BROKEN! IT'S A PIECE OF SHIT!
K: BACK UP!
Me: IT'S BROKEN!
K: BACK UP. NOW STOP!
Me: BROKEN! THERE'S NO GREEN! I SEE NO RED!
K: IT'S RIGHT THERE! IT'S RED!
Me: IT WAS IN MY BLIND SPOT! AND THE GREEN? NO GREEN!
K: IT WAS RED!
Me: BRRRRRROKEN!

angry silence while the carwash proceeds to wash and wax car.

Me: the green was broken.
K: the red wasn't.
Me: hmph.

That's true love, my friends. Have a good weekend!

15 chatty monkeys