It's a thin line between love and hate
Friday, May. 12, 2006 @ 4:00 p.m.

I meant to write a real entry today, a scintillating ramble about my vehicle which I'm sure you're sorry to miss, but my brain is all full of celebrity stuff and TV stuff so you get that instead.

Television:

I just finished watching the first season of Veronica Mars and I am a little in love with her, her father and a LOT in love with Logan Echolls. Oh, and with Leo too. If you haven't watched it, do it do it do it! They're replaying season 2 on UPN Tuesday nights, so now I can get all caught up. I LOVE YOU, TELEVISION.

Did you watch The Office last night? Was it not the best. episode. ever? I hope this doesn't mean shark-jumping in the next season but I really don't think it will. It's first and foremost a comedy and I don't think they'll ruin it with any Ross 'n Rachel crap. I swear, though, the acting is so good and I just held my breath and it SO DELIVERED.

Lost is good. Good good good. I can't start writing about it because I will not be able to stop.

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I like lists.

Why I love Kiefer Sutherland

Okay, here's the thing. I don't really like 24. We watched the first season and things got really convoluted after that and it's stressful to watch and can't that guy stop for a second and, like, get a snack or something? Maybe catch some Zs? I don't know, not really my thing. But! Kiefer Sutherland, I like. I don't find him particularly attractive, but I still like him, for two main reasons:

1. He really likes horses and he really likes David Bowie. Heyyyy I like horses and David Bowie! A lot! We were meant to be BFF, that's what.

2. He got drunk and tackled a Christmas tree. Hey, he asked permission first and he didn't like the way that tree was looking at him! Check it:

He ordered yet more booze on room service, then staggered around the entrance hall, entertaining pals with a bizarre, flailing breakdancing routine.

It was then that a huge Christmas tree caught his eye.

"I hate that fucking Christmas tree," he declared. "The tree HAS to come down."

Kiefer warned staff: "I'm smashing it - can I pay for it?"

A staff member replied: "I'm absolutely sure you can, sir."

The Lost Boys star then hurled himself into the Norwegian Spruce, sending baubles and lights crashing to the ground. Pulling pine needles out of his hair and t-shirt, he said to a hotel employee: "Ooh sorry about that...you're so cool. This fucking hotel rocks."

Normally I wouldn't condone this sort of behavior but, "The tree HAS to come down." is killing me. I love that. And the part about the flailing breakdance routine. I love him.

Why I love Jake Gyllenhaal

Only one reason: Those dreamy dreamy eyes. Oh, dreamy eyes, I can't stand it. Jake, I don't care if you're gay or straight or what, I just love your big doe eyes.

Why I love Josh Homme

What is not to love? I mean, damn. He's six foot five of red-headed hard rock Elvis. He's a total bad ass and looks a little dirty but DAMN, it's all so good. I love him for kicking out a bandmate who hit his girlfriend. I love him for keeping a 100 percent straight face while playing on SNL with Will Ferrell on cowbell dressed like a member of Blue Oyster Cult. How can you not love that? I will just stop there or my husband will give me looks.

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And, the other half (you knew this was coming.)

Why I hate David Blaine

He gets no picture because I don't care.

He's such a douche. Douche douche fucking douche. How is floating around in a manquarium a skill? How is that brave? How is it even an illusion? See also: WHO CARES. Nobody cares, David. Nobody cares if you drown or not and most of America was secretly hoping you would. I? Could not be bothered enough to even give a shit, so why are you still on my TV with your absolutely disgusting water-wrinkled hands? And hahaha, way to not break the record. Douche.

Why I hate Ryan Seacrest

He loves the ladies! Sure, he looks nice in a suit (all four feet of him) but he's still a nasty little creep. Aside from his cokehead freakout while presenting an award with Kathy Griffin, I thought it was really mean of him to crush Chris so completely on American Idol Thursday night. Okay, no I didn't. It was mean but it was also pretty funny and Chris looked like he wanted to punch everyone in the face and storm out. Don't worry Chris, I'm sure Creed would love to have you and your enormous ego. (I live in Elliott Yamin's hometown so really, what else can I say?)

Why I hate Lance Armstrong

Okay, sincerely, I used to be a fan. I did. I cheered him on through several tours but then he split with his wife and took up with a rock star and it was all in everyone's face and I felt really bad for his ex-wife. Like, sorry Kristin! Thanks for uprooting your life to follow me around the world and suffering through painful fertilization techniques to have my kids and for smiling through it all, but I need someone more exciting!

So then, just when I was getting used to the Sheryl Crowe thing, he breaks it off with her. What the fuck, dude? Serial Monogamist, that's what he is and I have no patience for that kind of bullshit. Plus, his own personal "Lance Armstrong" brand laptop computer? Really did we need that? No.

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That's it, y'all. Just as a reminder, the obnoxious mailroom guy would like to say �HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY" to you because he's been saying it to EVERYONE all day. Um, thanks...I guess. Freaknugget.

5 chatty monkeys

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