Now then Mardy Bum
Wednesday, Apr. 12, 2006 @ 3:25 p.m.

The annoying mailroom guy has been walking through the halls greeting everyone with an overly loud "HEL-LOW THEH-YA!" and then making this weird popping noise with his mouth. I want to punch him in the head.

Hi kids. Monday night I was powering my way through fifteen minutes on the rowing machine (which can be an eternity), and, as I can't read on the rowing machine, I'm forced to mentally make fun of everyone else at the gym and secretly correct their form. When I get tired of that I generally start thinking about stuff that cracks me up which causes me to smile or laugh involuntarily which I'm sure is at least partially responsible for the weird looks I sometimes get from other members. I'm sure I'm on someone else's blog list of annoying gym-goers. I'm probably "Involuntary Laughing Girl" or "Stompy Frowny Girl" or "Damn She Is Taking Forever To Set Up her MP3 Player Girl" or something like that. Hey, at least I'm not a grunter.

Anyway, as I was saying, I have this involuntary smile/laugh thing going because stupid shit will pop into my head while I'm rowing my way to nowhere. Shit like:

- Kathy Griffin on the ridiculousness of Clay Aiken talking about how he just can't find the right woman, "Because he loves pussy!"

-There's a local commercial on TV with this horrible nasal guy singing a really serious, meaningful jingle and his voice is so awful that I always crack up. Even funnier is when Kenny, in exactly the same nasal tone, follows with, "Why are you LAUGHING. This is really how I sound!"

- Randy on My Name is Earl when face to face with an ostrich, "I don�t want to punch you in the nose big chicken... I�m just gonna lay down and die now. Ok, here I am dying."

- There was a guy in line ahead of me at a restaurant recently and I could figure out what it was about him that was wrong, then I realized it was that he clearly peaked in high school. So sad. But funny.

Sorry, it clearly doesn't take much to make me laugh.

PS. file under Also Funny: I was very, very amused last night by the confusion of a couple of the louder Jazzercisers who couldn't for the life of them figure out why there is a dispenser roll of plastic bags available in the locker room. They mused it over for a good long time and I failed to fill them in because I'm mean.

*****

Today I have a weird poundy headache behind my left eye and it's making me feel unbalanced. This mean the logical and objective part of my brain isn't functioning (Brain tumor caused by a tick! Says Dr. House) which I think is pretty much every day for me, but how would I know? I can't reason for shit with this headache.

In an effort to turn my mind to happier things, here's a stupid list of good stuff that's been making me fabulously happy lately.

1. Oh, iced tea. I love you so much. I know this is on every list I ever make, but iced tea is truly the one for me. I like it plain - no sugar or lemon. It's basically bitter, caffeinated iced water and what could be better than that?

2. The Candy Blog is like Internet crack. I read the licorice entry and the next thing I knew I was walking out of CVS clutching a jumbo box of Good & Plenty. Clearly I'm impressionable, or maybe just self-medicating. I had also purchased aspirin and iced tea, so make of that what you will.

3. American Idol sucked me in this year. (Key word: SUCK.) I know its totally shameful but I love Simon so much for being such a fantastically rotten bastard. I adore him extra muchly when he's slapping down Seacrest, who clearly only has eyes for Ace.

4. Google. It makes me such a better friend-stalker. Every now and then when I get bored at work I'll go a-Googling to see who I can find. I recently got back in touch with an old friend who I never thought I'd talk to again. That was really nice. I'm still in search of a couple of people, so if your name is Alan Kempton and you went to TNCS, would you please keyword search yourself and email me already? Sheesh.

5. This weekend. You know what's going on this weekend - not a lot, thank God (except Kenny's birthday! Woo!) It's the calm before the storm because the weekend after is a double threat - a huge craft show (which Kate and I helped plan and which will be awesome so if you live here and don't attend, consider yourself DEAD TO ME STARTING NOW) on Saturday and the first bike race of the season on Sunday. I apparently like to compact all my suffering into two short days. I'm tired just thinking about it.

6. Oh, I don't know. Maybe the book I'm reading? If I list that then I have to go update my reading list. Hold on. Okay, it's Mapping the Edge by Sarah Dunant. It's really good so far, but here's the thing: I found it on my book shelf at home and have no idea where it came from. Who lent this book to me? Or maybe gave it to me? All I know is that it's not a library book and I didn't buy it. If it's yours, let me know. It's good so far, anyway, very satisfying with perfect chapter-lengths and good characters. Can't ask for much more than that.

Alright kids. My right brain is going to try to do some work now. We'll see how it goes.

13 chatty monkeys

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