Unsatisfied.
Monday, Nov. 14, 2005 @ 3:45 p.m.

My friend Noah once designed a series of Haiku postcards, my favorite of which reads:

Unsatisfying
Is the best way to describe
What I ate for lunch

And so far, this describes my day perfectly. I should back up a bit and start by explaining that I am superiorly cranky today. Now, to be sure, on a normal day I am irritated by most everything, but I woke up this morning and my body took a look at the calendar and said "Third week of the month, lets go! Move out!" And thus, for the next seven days I will be beyond irritated by the little things so watch out Mail Room Guy, is all I'm saying.

Specifically annoying me: The speaking voices of two visitors to our office today. One guy spoke with a moist slurry accent and the other has a really affected laugh. Both made me cringe and wish I could go home and go back to bed. And then, this flighty girl that works in another building came to drop something off for my boss. She said hi to me and winked in a manner that can only be read as condescending. She's ten years younger than me and I almost lunged over my desk at her. My boss suggested I growl at her next time and I told her not to tempt me because that would be AWESOME.

Annoying girl: "Hiiiiih howareyew!" *wink*
Me: Grrrrr GRRRRRRR GERWOOW!
Annoying girl: "shriek!"

Just to get back on topic, my lunch was not only unsatisfying; it was really just flat out gross. My department (four of us) went to lunch to celebrate my boss's birthday, but the place she wanted to go was closed. We went to the snooty west end "grill" next door and I ordered the grilled chicken salad. Here's what I got on a plastic plate: processed chicken "breast" sliced up on a bed of wilty romaine accompanied by two cherry tomatoes, two rings of red onion, a spattering of carrot (sliced the wrong way) and half a hard boiled egg. What? It came with a side of the "house" dressing which tasted like oily nothing. Gross. I felt cheated. Naturally the place was jam-packed full of snooty west-enders because they have no taste anyway, so what do they care?

The salad was disappointing but it was the fake chicken breast that really got me. Like, maybe don't call it a grilled chicken breast if it's actually bits of processed chicken pressed into the shape of a chicken breast? Totally not the same thing. At all. I'm going to be pissed off about this for the rest of the day. I really like eating so a bad meal is totally annoying to me and a waste of good calories. Aren't I a peach? People around the world are starving and I'm throwing a tantrum because my salad did not meet my expectations. Suck it, I'm cranky and that salad is FIRED.

My weekend, by comparison was really quite good. The weather has just been glorious and the next person who whines and complains about how it's too warm and doesn't feel like fall can just shut the hell up. Or! Better idea, each complainer can give me a dollar which I will then spend on heating oil which is now approximately $50,000 a gallon. Embrace the unseasonable weather and remember that we live in Richmond, VA home to 28 seasons, non-consecutive. It NEVER feels like the right season here, people! Just enjoy the lack of shivering and go with it. If you really can't stand having to wear short sleeves for one more second, turn on the AC and gawp out the window at the leaves falling off the trees. Are you happy now? GOD.

As I was saying, the weather was glorious and a long and adventurous mountain bike ride was had yesterday. Because no one is in training, we all just meandered through the trails and explored and had a good time. We spent two hours just out in the world, in the parts of the city that most people don't even know exist. Like, you know how you're driving along the highway and there are abandoned scrubbly woods on either side? 9 times out of 10 there are trails back there. We rode in woods that used to be farmland and I like that too - The woods are newish but feel old. I like how quickly the trees can reclaim the land and it's quiet and mysterious to ride among them. My kind of mountain biking.

PS. I just took a bite out of my apple and the bitch is mealy. It's a fucking conspiracy, I'm telling you.

8 chatty monkeys

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