The most annoying thing about Friday:

The irritating mail guy goes into hyper-drive. "Hahppy FRIHDAY everbody! Yaaay!" He goes down the hall, poking his head into each office to deliver this message. I can hear him and I cringe as he gets closer and closer. He does this every fucking week. I want to throw daggers at him. He's worse than a clown, people, and you know how I feel about clowns.

Other Stuff Annoying Me:

- My parents. If I really got going we'd be here all day but let's just say that I speak to them and it's as if the words get poorly translated into another language and then back again through Babelfish. So I say something like:

"I never heard back from you about the vague plan you mentioned weeks ago. What's the deal?"

�and what the parent hears is:

"Parent, Could you please treat me as if I'm slightly crazy and making things up in my head? Also please assume that I can read your mind. And that I want to do multiple favors for you. I do! I want to do any kind of grunt work you can imagine! I don't have kids, so what else am I doing with my time? Clearly, I am here for your use."

That is all hypothetical, of course. Don't even get me started on what happens when one of the parents discovers eBay. It's very, very bad. Very bad.

*****

- Some guy at my gym was talking about how much he loves his Hummer the other day. I wanted to run up to him and yell "THANKS FOR BEING PART OF THE PROBLEM, ASSWIPE!"

*****

- Do people realize that placing a "W, Still the President" sticker on their car is akin to putting a "I'm a big Buttmunch" sticker on their car? Totally the same thing to me. Just saying.

*****

Space Invaders Really Annoy Me.

I think perhaps I'm invisible. I've probably discussed this before, but sometimes I wonder if I'm a ghost and nobody's bothered to tell me about it. Example: The other day I was checking out the sale racks at the shoe department and as I started down the narrow aisle of size 8, this older woman comes in right behind me and starts mumbling about how she couldn�t find her size, which is apparently a 6. And right there I'm annoyed because a) I really don't fucking care and b) are you talking to me or just to the air?

Then, when I didn�t move fast enough down the row for her she started reaching right in front of me to pick up shoes. Like, she reached her spindly arm allll the way around me like I was some annoying blockage that she couldn't figure out. Never mind that she was in the entirely wrong aisle, it's still my aisle I'm shopping and I was there first and she just needed to fucking wait. People, I swear.

It continued this morning: I was walking down the hallway to my office and a large gentleman comes walking from the other direction, says good morning to me, (so I know he sees me) then, as he continues to walk towards me he started to swerve directly into my path of travel. Never mind the other eight feet of hallway, he needed the 16 inches I was taking up as well. I was practically pressed against the wall by the time he walked by. Thanks.

That over with, I decide to stick my lunch in the fridge and wait patiently behind a woman doing the same thing. She scoots over so I can put my lunch away but then immediately opens the door to the freezer and almost bashes me in the head with it. Dude, I'M STANDING RIGHT EXACTLY HERE. YOU FREAKING LOOKED RIGHT AT ME.

I don't understand. I really, really don't. Should I start wearing blaze orange or something?

Anyway, according to the mail guy it's FRIHDAY and I'm pretty much not annoyed about that. Things could change, though, we'll see.

Have a good weekend, kittens!

2 chatty monkeys