You Know What Your Problem Is?
Thursday, Feb. 10, 2005 @ 4:01 p.m.

Please tell me what is wrong with people? This morning Kenny went out to start his car and some guy driving by totally threw his McDonald's breakfast trash out the car window. Who does that? I mean, what part a person's logic makes it okay to just toss garbage out of a moving car? We find drive-by garbage in our yard all the time. It's like our road is the designated dumping ground for lazy fools. I feel like picking it up and finding out where these jerks live so I can deliver it to their yard. How utterly lazy can you be that you can't handle waiting until you're near a trash can?

Ha, I remember my weird best friend in high school used to think nothing of emptying her car ashtray onto the street. I used to get so mad at her and she never understood why. Once I actually took it out of her hand, got out of the car, and walked the 10 feet to the nearest garbage can to empty it. Her reaction? She laughed at me for being so square. Of course, this was the same girl who thought it was perfectly fine to idle outside my house at 7:30am and lay on the car horn if I was late for school. She was completely oblivious to anything that didn't directly involve her. She was a weird friend, but loyal, which is more than you can say about a lot of people.

I am very puffy-eyed today because I had a totally cry-fest melt-down last night. I was trying so hard to make jewelry that was 1. funky and interesting 2. attractive 3. not copying another person's design 4. didn't make me feel like a sell-out. It's hard? And nothing was working and I got all sad and weepy and Kenny got upset because when I get like that I have a negative answer for everything. It's fun. Just try to argue with me! I can spin anything negative! It's a gift.

Then, this morning I looked at my nearly-empty pill pack and was like "OOOOhhh." Doy, PMS. I hate admitting I have PMS because it feels like such a clich�. It feels unfeminist somehow, like I'm admitting to being part of that unstable female bullshit that men have been using for years against women. We can't be trusted! We are constantly on the edge! We will FUCK YOU UP with our female chemical imbalance if you let us vote or fight on the front line!

Mostly I'm fine, but sometimes I just get tired of feeling like the only person on earth with no ambition. I'd really just like to be good at something and feel like I have a clear vision of what kind of art I want to create and to have something to say. Maybe that's why I'm not feeling like a real artist - because I have nothing unique to say. I have no driving message to get out. However, I think about the artists who do have something to say and who are really driven, and mostly? They're miserable people. They probably can't just relax with a bag of SweeTart hearts and an episode of "Keen Eddie". I think I'll take unmotivated over crazy, thanks.

***********

Listy.

Making Me Happy:

- Finally getting some art/jewelry made to sell. I'm going to put some work in a gallery shop next Friday!

- Lifting weights. I've been lifting with a friend from the gym. I'm getting over my fear of the weights room. They play bad pop music and I like to dance like a fool and upset the men who are concentrating very hard on their muscles.

- Netflix. God, I love it. They just send the movies in the mail! It's so effortless! I want to marry it.

- I have confirmation that Snooty and Milque Toast are no longer a couple! And it's because she's mean! This information came straight from Milque's new girlfriend. Hahhaa.

- Easter Candy. Also? Valentine's Day candy.

Making Me Cranky:

- WHY THE MICROWAVE POPCORN. WHY. IT SMELLS LIKE CHEMICAL ASS.

- Dear Car, when I'm turning in front of traffic, please don�t HESITATE when I hit the gas. The adrenaline was nice, though. Thanks. I felt very alert for quite a while afterwards.

- The term "values" can go away and never come back.

- Because here in Virginia, we have nothing more pressing than the issue of baggy pants. I'm sorry, it is 1910? Is my ankle showing? Since when did we outlaw FASHION? I'm not a fan of the baggy pants, but wow, way to target black men! You gotta love the south for sucking.

Okay, that's it, kids. I'm exhausted. Go get mama a drink, will you?

8 chatty monkeys

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