I don't feel tardy...
Saturday, Oct. 18, 2003 @ 11:55 p.m.

Hey sexy bitches! Did you miss me? I'm back! I got my pencil...

Heh. Hi there. So, I'm back from the business trip. I lived! It didn't suck and I got to see a cotton gin in action. I got to drive past "Dick's Hot Dogs", which made me snort with 12-year-old-boy laughter. (I just googled Dick's Hot Dogs to see if there's a website. Don't ever, ever, Google those words together.) I got to explain what a black bean cake was to a middle-aged client who "has never heard of such a thing." The same man described Richmond as "a really BIG city". Uh huh.

I got to sit through many tense meetings in which neurotic developers both ripped on and defended the county they represent. One of them told long, rambling stories about the Korean War while everyone rolled their eyes. I got to take notes. Lots of them. On Monday, I get to transform my notes into a report. Haha. Hahhahahaa. Okay, then. I have a real job, it seems. I was not prepared for this. Overall, it was fine. I spent some time getting to know my boss and I'm less scared of her, though still cautious. She likes to eat in nice restaurants and likes a drink with dinner, which helped. She also likes to dish about my co-workers, which didn't. I don't want to be that girl, you know?

I started the trip by driving for nearly five hours through a very rural chunk of NC. About four hours into the drive, while flipping through the radio stations, I found something which I still think might have been a dream. It was a station that was playing nothing but the themes from 70's and 80's television shows. Good Times? We got 'em. Alice? Yes, indeed. The Jeffersons? Up in the big leagues. The theme from Sanford and Son? HELL YES. It was radio nirvana and I still can't believe it exists.

Here's something I learned when traveling with your boss in separate cars- you have to break traffic laws. One morning, while I was following her to a meeting, she got lost. The more lost she got, the faster she drove. She ended up driving through a residential neighborhood at 50 mph. I had to follow or be lost forever. Really, what would you have done? Also, if your boss gets on her cell phone at a red light and fails to notice the light has changed, do you honk at her or sit numbly behind her like a rube? I chose option number two because I need this job. It took everything I had not to honk. Everything.

So now I'm back and the next two weeks will involve working my ass off writing a report (hahaha. I have no idea how to do this) and packing everything Kenny and I own. Yay. Or not.

***********

Memo to: The Woman Who I Called To Set Up An Interview
Subject: How Not To Get A Job.

Look, lady. You called us, remember? You responded to OUR job ad. You do not get to rudely grill me about the position, the compensation and the company. I'm just setting the appointment for a co-worker. Also, I gave you excellent directions, so why do you want to know what the building is made of? And yes, of course there's a sign outside. Jesus. Oh, and here's a hint: when a company asks you to bring a copy of your resume, the correct response is not: "A resume? I've never had one of those. I don't think I can write one by Monday."

***********

PS. I thought of a Halloween costume for work! It's so freaking obvious I can't believe I didn't think of it immediately. I'm going to be Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Ha! All I need is a blonde wig, a cute outfit and a pointy stick.

4 chatty monkeys

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