Hi! You may not be able to tell just by looking at me, but I'm quietly dying inside right now. It's house related and I'll know whether the news is good or bad before I upload this entry*, so you'll know what I'm talking about at the bottom of this entry. Tears may be involved because, while there is no crying in mountain biking, the same cannot be said about house-hunting.

Speaking of house-hunting, have you seen the show House Hunters with Suzanne Whang? (Don't you love how she says her name? Whaoooong. Whaaaooong.) I used to love it until we started our own hunt. Now I know what a big freaking lie it is. Big. Freaking. Lie.

If things went according to the show, you'd look at two or three tastefully bland houses (and maybe one really cool Craftsman bungalow with built-in furniture which you'd stupidly reject for being "too small". Goldilocks, you're a moron! But I digress.) and then blandly decide to make an offer on one of them. If this happens 15 minutes into the show, you know you won't get the house. If this happens with 5 minutes left, you'll get the house, and will be told the good news via a bland fake phone call from the realtor.

**brrrring**

"Heh. Lo? Oh. Hi. (stage whispers to significant other) It's. The. Realtor.."

"What? We. Got. The. House? That's. Great!"

"Hon. Ney. We. Got. The. House!"

Hahhahaha. See, what really happens is, you look at all kinds of bizarre houses, like the one we saw last week that was beyond hilarious. The house itself was okay (basic 50's rancher) but oh, the decor. It belongs to a single, middle-age woman and boy, does she like cats. Holy crap.

There were cat figurines, decorative cat plates, framed cat pictures (not just of her cats), cat statues, stuffed plush cats, cat ornaments, cat gee-gaws, cat carpets, cat toys, cat books, cat dishes, and, oh yeah, live cats too. Lots of them. There were also two yappy little dogs, whose PetSmart obedience training certificates were framed and hung on the wall in the kitchen. I'm not kidding.

Cat stuff aside, she'd girlied up every other part of the house that wasn't covered in cats. Everything was painted in shades of pink, mauve and red and all the rooms had decorative wallpaper borders around the top. Every window had a lacy, fluffy curtain and even the shower curtain had a curtain. Seriously, she had two shower curtain poles- one for the shower curtain and one for the lacy shower curtain curtain. Dude, I KNOW. You NEVER see stuff like this on House Hunters, I tell you.

And I haven't even gotten to the best feature of this house. The train runs behind it. We didn't think this would be a big deal and when we went back to look at the house again, the train came by. Now, the train itself really wasn't that loud. The train whistle? Another story. There's a crossing about a block from the house, so they start laying on the whistle right about where that house is. It sounded like the train was planning on coming right through the damn house. It sounded like an air-raid siren. Oh, hell. No. We fled.

*So that was a big lie. I'm going to go ahead and upload this entry and later tonight I'll post an update on the house I can't talk about for fear of jinxing the whole thing. Please, cross all your fingers and toes for us, okay?

0 chatty monkeys