Nietzsche is such a liar.
Sunday, Jul. 13, 2003 @ 9:58 p.m.

Oh my God. I think I'm dead. Am I dead? I should be. The race I did today was the HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE. Jesus. I'm, for sure, dead. I've done six other races and this was the hardest of all, no contest. I though nothing could compare to the pain of my very first race, but I was wrong, baby. My fingers are so tired I'm actually making my cat type this.

First of all, most beginner races are in the 6-7 mile range. Not this one! Great golly, no! This beginner race was thirteen miles of the most unbelievably brutal terrain I've ever ridden (or, hahaha, walked. Or, hahaha, trudged/fallen down on/climbed/fallen down on some more). Oh my God it was hard.

I wish I could explain how hard it is but there aren't really words to describe this type of pain. I remember thinking somewhere along mile eight that I wished I could distill and bottle the pain of racing, so the next time I start thinking about doing it, I can slurp down some of my Race Pain Home Brew and re-consider. That's how hard it was.

Here's a description of the course:

With more than 25 miles of sweet single-track trails that traverse 850 acres, Panorama Trails is fast becoming the hottest destination for mountain biking in The Old Dominion. You will find the scenery extraordinary as you blast your way across the rolling terrain of this magnificent farm. The Blue Ridge Mountains serve as a phenomenal backdrop as you cruise the open pasture meadows, hay fields, mature hardwood forests, bold streams and tricky log crossings. While the beginner and intermediate peddlers can find a whole host of trails to conquer, our well-designed trail system will also challenge the most adventuresome riders with just enough hills, rocks, roots, off-camber sections, and of course the best of all, lots of long uninterrupted loops.

LIES. ALL LIES. Especially the parts that say: "cruising", "beginner", "long uninterrupted loops" and, hahaha, "rolling terrain". Also, I'm sure there was some sort of purty, mountainy view, but I never saw it- I was too busy trying not to die. The course? It was almost all incredibly steep little hills (right, sorry, I meant "rolling terrain"). Like, straight-the-hell-up steep.

Also, everything was muddy. Slick, clay-based mud. *sob* Slippery mud makes everything much more treacherous, because even if you're on a manageable trail, your bike is still doing it's best to skitter out from under you. Fun! Also, the freaking hills. Incredibly steep, rooty, muddy hills. I'd ride or trudge up one, only to find another one waiting for me almost immediately. How does that work? Doesn't it seem like there should be an even amount of down versus up? You'd think so, but there wasn't.

I vaguely remember enjoying myself during the first 1/3rd of the race but after that it was just all about trying to stay on my bike and not die. I'm usually a pretty good technical rider (technical = stuff in your way), but this course was beyond technical. There were water crossings with bridges and water crossings without bridges. There were tons and tons and tons of logs across the trail (which I normally can do, but when I'm close to boinking, they're best avoided so I don't endo and fall on my head). There were lots of slidey, off-camber trails. There were lots of slippery roots and many, many rocks. Oh, so many rocks. So, I did a lot of mountain bike walking. I must have pushed my bike through a good five miles of trail.

Thirteen miles. It doesn't sound that bad if you're just cruising down the street on your Huffy, but thirteen unending miles of brutal, muddy, wooded trail, at race pace, is enough to take down a much stronger rider than me.

When I crossed the finish line, I really thought I was going to burst into tears, but I didn't, because as I've said before, there's no crying in mountain biking. Instead, I sort of tossed my bike aside and fell keening to the ground. Then I had to get up and walk because my legs started cramping. A nice, but really annoying, friend of Kenny's was the announcer and he bounced over to me and was all "Adrien! You did so great! Did you have fun? Isn't it an amazing course? ....What? What's wrong?"

So, I finished and I did okay. Holy crap, I did more than okay. I came in 3rd out of a field of 12, which is amazing, considering. Go me! My friend Paula, who's mainly a road cyclist, did this race as her first mountain bike race and she won! I was immensely proud of her. This is not the course you want for your first race, but she did an awesome job.

Okay, sleep now.

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