Hello, eight hour office party people. Hell and crap, why am I sitting in a cube of blandness already? I have so little to do today and I have to figure out how to stretch out 30 minutes of work into an eight hour day. Easy! I write this random crap for your amusement and/or boredom.

My weekend was okay. I don't know how much I want to go into it, but I think the short description is this: I think I'm growing apart from the friend I went to visit. We had fun together, but then it seemed like we were trying too hard to relate to each other, even though we clearly don't anymore. It was weird and made for uncomfortable pauses.

She doesn't read my journal so I'm not really worried about her seeing this, but if she does, I don't think she'll necessarily disagree with me. It makes me sad, but this has happened with us before and we managed to re-connect. Hopefully this is just an ebb and flow thing. Enough about that for now.

Here's the funny stuff- driving in DC? Bites my ass. There's this horrible section of 395 called the Springfield Interchange (aka The Mixing bowl), where everything splits up all crazy and everyone changes lanes for no reason. I usually navigate this section without too many problems, but they've changed the signs since the last time I drove up. Bastards.

So I'm in a lane that I think is safe, when everything splits eight different ways and suddenly my lane is an exit. Exit? Nooo! Wait, fuck..*honk*...fuuuuuuck! I exited against my will and called my friend. She gave me directions that included this final statement: "take the exit that says 'Pentagon'". Right on.

I drive drive drive and then see an exit sign that says "Pentagon" and a few other things. As I take the exit, I realize there's another exit after it that just says "Pentagon", but it's too late. The exit I take goes *directly* to the Pentagon. Huh. Oops?

I call my friend, sheepishly. She patiently give me new directions. I drive drive drive and suddenly I know where I am! Yay! But, oops! I missed the turn. I'll just go around the block and circle back. Damn, there's a shopping mall in the way. Can't go back. Hmm. I'll just drive another block and then go back...wait, one way? Shit, where am I? I'm not calling her. I can't. I knew where I was two minutes ago! Shit. Shit. Shit. I'm not calling her.

I called her. I pulled into the parking lot of the drugstore where I'd stopped. I waited for her to come rescue me. I'm a tool, for real. Also, DC driving bites my ass.

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Location, Location, Location.

So, I got a call for another interview, for a job I applied to back in March. Apparently they filled the original position, but now another one is open. Really, doesn't it sound like they hired someone, then that person quit almost immediately? Ha. It's not a very exciting-sounding job, but I'll interview for it because I have no business saying no.

Moving on, I called this morning to set up the interview and I asked for directions. Holy freaking crap. This is what he said:

Go to B. Rd and A. Ave (where the Walgreens is)
take A. Ave going east
pass over C. Ave.
pass the Subway, Henrico high school
Take left at R. Turnpike (you'll see the flea market)
Go two miles, cross railroad tracks
drive through a swampy area (?!), cross over a few bridges.
after the swampy area, take a left on M. Rd.
(across from the left is Hill Electrical Supply)
Cross more railroad tracks
This road will look vacant and woodsy and you will think you took the wrong road (Yes, he said that.)
Pass a junkyard (Yes, he said that!)
Take right on E. Rd
Company is second building on the left

This is a national company. What happened to location? Do they give these directions to visiting bigwigs? Hilarious. Take a right at the coon hound sleeping in the road! Take a left at the swamp! Nice.

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Milton, Just Like a Man.

It's been a while since I laid a Milton story on you guys, so here's a good one:

Even though Milton's been moved to a different cube corral, he's still working with a couple of people in my corral. Last week, when he came to talk to my cube neighbor about something, he asked where Good Mom was.

I told him "Milton! She's been on vacation for the last week and a half. How are you just noticing this?"

His reply: "I'm a man! What do you expect?"

"Milton, what, is it 1950? 'You're a man?' That doesn't fly around here."

He laughed nervously and walked away.

Then, on Friday, Cube Neighbor and I both showed up with shiny new haircuts. Milton came over and proudly said to me:

"I was telling Cube Neighbor I should get points for noticing her new hair-do!"

I fixed him with a long, stern look.

"Milt, you get NO POINTS because you didn't notice MY NEW HAIRCUT.�

"But..."

"No. I'm disappointed in you. I cannot speak to you right now."

Five minutes later I got the following email:

To: Adrien
From: Milton
Getting your hair trimmed does not count as a new hairstyle.

Gasp! I know!

To: Milton
From: Adrien
Trimmed? Did you look at my head? I got most of it cut off! Not a trim.

To: Adrien
From: Milton
Not really. I saw your head. Looked like all of it was still there to me.

People, it was the funniest and most shocking thing that's happened since I started working here. Milton fought back! He used email for a non-business purpose! There's hope for him yet.

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Links of the Lost.

You are where you live.

The geek in me loves the pseudodictionary.

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