Fatty Snax and Snakes.
Thursday, May. 08, 2003 @ 3:38 p.m.

Here at Bank of X, there is such a thing as a free lunch, but there's no such thing as a free healthy lunch. All super fatty snax, all the time! Sure, it's free, but at what price?

The other day, our team was invited to partake in a free picnic lunch (which, ironically, was served inside). The menu consisted of: fried chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, potato salad, white rolls, soda and cookies. Holy starch! I suffered the bloated sneers of my co-workers by eating my healthy, brought-from-home lunch instead.

I like a free meal as well as anyone else, but damn! Fried + cheesy pasta + mayonnaise laden potatoes + bread + sugar x 2= utterly nasty, bloaty sickness. Plus, I don't even eat chicken. Are they trying to instill Spirit(!) by ensuring that everyone's too starch-laden and logy to even think about trying to fighting tha power?

The free lunch menu reminds me of the meals served at the Halifax hotel in Virginia Beach, where we stayed for a few days every summer when I was in high school.

It was one of those old-fashioned hotels with an ocean front veranda full of rocking chairs and was complete trapped in 1950's amber. (Sadly, it was razed a few years back and turned into a parking lot.) Breakfast and dinner were included in the room rate, and served by local teens in a small retirement home-esque dining room.

The food was astounding. Apparently, they'd had the same cook since 1950, because every dinner started with a tiny, tiny shrimp cocktail, or a teeny-tiny serving of tomato aspic with a daub of mayonnaise on top. Hilarious! The meals were served family-style and the food was all beige and white. Beige and white fish or chicken, potatoes or rice, pearl onions, rolls, vegetables and dessert. All beige and white. Amazing. I loved the Halifax.

*****************************

Snake Wrangler, Part II

Remember the recent Copperhead adventure Kenny and I had? Well, I have a new snake story! I really should put "snake wrangler" on my resume- it seems to be something I'm getting good at. Really, snakes in general don't squeeb me out and neither do rodents or spiders. Centipedes? That's another story.

So, story: The building where I work is right off the highway and is surrounded by woods, which means the occasional run-in with wildlife isn't too unexpected. I've seen hawks and lizards, and I'm sure there must be bunnies and probably deer too.

So, yesterday morning I was walking from the parking lot towards the walkway, when I became aware of several women freaking out. Fa-reeek-ing out. Seriously, losing their minds.

As I came closer, the most freakingest of them shrieked "BE CAREFUL THERE'S A SNAKE!!!"

I looked to where she was pointing and there, in the flower bed, was an unassuming-looking Black Snake, sunning itself and generally minding it's own business.

Trying to calm down the freaking woman I said, "it's just a Black Snake. Harmless."

"But it's a SNAKE! It's RIGHT THERE!"

I walked towards Mr. Black Snake.

"OH MY GOD. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? BE CAREFUL!"

"It's just a Black Snake. He's not going to bother anyone."

As I approached, Mr. Snake casually slithered away into the bushes.

"OH MY GOD. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT! IT WAS HISSING! I COULD HEAR IT HISS!"

"It wasn't hissing, it was breathing. Black Snakes aren't poisonous. He was more afraid of you than you are of him."

"WHATEVER! IT'S STILL A SNAKE!!"

Lord above, what a scene. That snake looked so bored with the whole thing and that lady was totally over-reacting. It's not like the snake was lunging at her face or anything. I bet snakes enjoy getting that kind of reaction by just being, you know?

*****************************

Fatty Links.

The Gallery of Regrettable Food! I think the Meat! Meat! Meat! section is my favorite. Yummy.

So Pamie's been doing a good thing lately and I thought you guys should know about it. The Oakland public library had it's funding drastically cut, and in an effort to find other means to get books on the shelves, they've created Amazon wish lists. I just got paid so I'm going to donate a book for the kids. Go read this entry of Pamie's for details and links. This entry by Magpiesnest also has some good links. Go donate and make a difference! You know, for kids!

Excellent! What level of hell are you in? Find out by taking Dante's Inferno Test. Disappointingly, I'm only in the Second Level of Hell. Must work on that. (link courtesy of lotsofco.org)

For Buffy fans: Five questions with James Marsters. He's kind of annoying.

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