Forced Gaiety

OH MY GOD, I WORK IN HELL. THIS IS HELL. WHAT THE HELL? I walked in (or rather scurried in- I was late) this morning to find the Receiving Line of Evil waiting in the foyer. I am not kidding. Four women were lined up on each side of the door and as each person walked in they shrieked variations of "good morning" at them.

Now, I'm sure there are people who enjoy this kind of treatment, but as an introvert, and a sleepy, running late introvert at that, this is similar to being thrown into a fiery pit of hell. It's torture. (I found out later the Receiving Line of Evil is part of the on-going spirit training and they call themselves the Spirit Counsel. Ha.)

It was like being confronted by a clown in a public place. The clown is all I'm a clown! Everyone loves a clown! Hug the clown! Whee! Forced gaiety! Get happy! You hate and fear the clown, but you don't want to be the asshole who punches a clown, you know?

It's embarrassing to even watch a clown try interact with adults. That's how I felt this morning. I was embarrassed for them, I was embarrassed for me and I was embarrassed by my reaction, which involved me moving past them as quickly as possible with hunched shoulders and a grim smile. One of the women shouted "you don't have to rush!" Uh, yes I do lady, you're torturing me.

Then, just when I thought it was over, they held the monthly bank awards ceremony this morning, which is broadcast throughout the building. It's started with a woman yelling "CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU HEAR ME?" over the loudspeaker. Holy crap, yes, I can hear you.

Then, after the awards have been given out, they sang some sort of spirit song in rounds, to the tune of Row, Row, Row Your Boat. The fuck? Is this summer camp? Am I 12 years old? You cannot make this shit up. I just sat, huddled at my desk and waited for it to be over. This is a bad, bad place.

At the end of the speech, the yelly woman said "I want everyone to look down at your right shoulder! Are you looking at your shoulder? Is your name badge there? I want everyone to be wearing their name badge!"

Milton looked over at me and said "I thought she was asking us to look and see if our chip was still there!" Hahahaha. Sometimes I really like Milton.

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One more reason to hate Smarmy- He's obsessed with the meat. Hee, I know, it would be funnier if it were the man-meat, but sadly, no, he's obsessed with the kind of meat you eat. Er, wait, that's funny too. I just mean, he talks about meat a lot (Justin, stop it.), and I'm pretty sure some of it's directed at me, because he thinks I'm a vegetarian.

He talks about shopping for meat, cooking meat and seasoning meat. He eats meat at his desk while making orgasm noises and licking his fingers, which is disgusting no matter what you're eating. Take that shit home or get a room. The woman he sits across from is a nice, God-afearing, mommy, but she's ready to kill him too.

She compares him to her 8-year-old, which is exactly right. He's a grown man, but acts like an attention-starved, bratty child. He's late to work every day and taps objects obsessively on his desk while making his 800th personal call of the day. How does this asshole have a permanent job but I don't? I do not understand.

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Currently Reading.

Wow, that was the most ranty of work rants, yet! I wish I had something interesting to talk about, but really, what's more interesting than forced spirit? Uh, maybe I could talk about books or something? Okay, so I just finished reading Lost Horizon by James Hilton and it was excellent. It's a sort of mystery/mystical fantasy story set in the 1930's, with lots of wartime metaphor built in. Really an interesting book.

I'm about to start reading Grand Ambition which my friend Alice gave me for my birthday. It's a novel about a real-life couple who, in 1928, disappeared while on a rafting trip on the Colorado River. I've wanted to read it for ages, but I decided to wait a bit so I'd have it to look forward to. I'm a dork. I'll let you know how it is.

Half-Assed Movie Review.

Last weekend, Kenny and I rented Devil's Playground, a documentary about "rumspringa", an Amish tradition that allows Amish teens to run wild and experience the "English" world when they turn 16. They can drive cars, smoke, drink, and have sex, pretty much without limits.

However, at some point they have to decide whether to give it all up and join the Amish church, promising to live the rest of their lives by church rules. It was an interesting documentary and I was a little shocked by what a huge drug problem there was among the Amish teens. According to the film, 90% of the teens do eventually join the church, but I'm not sure I believe it.

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Super-sized stupidity: Freedom Fries!

Which Simpson's character are you? I'm Lisa Simpson!

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