Friday Fo Shizzle
Friday, Mar. 07, 2003 @ 4:24 p.m.

Friday Fo Shizzle.

Whoot, Friday in tha Hizzle! Yo Shizzles Off The Hizzle 'n Shit! (Did you hear that? Snoop Dogg just started weeping.)

Hi there! Friday! Friday is the best day because the good stuff is coming, but isn't quite here yet. I spend the whole day more or less in a good mood, knowing there is fun to come.

The weather's supposed to not suck this weekend so I'll hopefully get some biking in and might even do a training race on Sunday (the winner gets cookies.) Also, a good friend of mine is in town from DC so we're going to hang out tonight and catch up. All good stuff.

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Survivor.

First of all, screw you Mr. President for making me wait an extra hour to watch Survivor. And just so you could repeat the same propaganda drivel over and over again? Not fair.

Memo To: Heidi
From: Your Body

Hi, have you looked at me lately? I'm not so pretty anymore and you're making me look idiotic when you announce on national television that the "older women" are jealous of me. I know Joanna is an asshole (Bye, Joanna! Talk to the hand!), but have you looked at her arms? They're pretty buff and could crush me like a bug. Meanwhile, my "hot" arms look like scrawny, under-fed twigs.

Also, your face wanted me to tell you that it's not feeling so fly either, and your hair sends just this: fuck you. Really, your mouth thinks maybe you should stop sounding like such a bitchy little shrew. Thank you.

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Damn Kids.

Did I say I was 31? I'm actually an 80-year-old woman and I proved it last night with two beautifully executed moves.

First Move: I thanked the young man who bagged my groceries, and when all I got back was a sniff, I followed up my "thank you" with "OR NOT." and walked away.

Second Move: I got home and was getting out of my car, when a jeep came barreling down the tiny side street where we live. Barreling. The speed limit is 25. I started yelling at the jeep like the old man in the car commercial: "Slow DOWN, you young hooligan!" or something to that effect. Who am I? When did the Politeness Police install the grumpy old lady chip in my head?

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Snobby.
(Topic idea inspired by the lovely Mimi Smartypants)

I'm a snob, but only about some things. By snob, I mean I'm very particular and have standards. I try not to look down on things which fall below my standards, so maybe I'm just picky? You be the judge:

I'm a snob about:

Coffee
I like good coffee made from freshly ground beans. Make it local, make it Starbucks, I don't care as long as it's quality. Folgers sucks. Millhouse sucks. Anything served at a convenience store sucks. I also hate fake coffee drinks. If it's called a Mochalatteccino and comes pre-mixed out of a machine, I won't drink it.

Restaurants
No Fern Bars. Olive Garden? Why do people love it so much? And Friday's? Appleby's? Maybe I'm lucky to live in a city that's chock full of great local restaurants, 20 of which I can walk to. Given the choice, why would I go to a chain?

Makeup
I'm girly and I like makeup. Mostly, I like expensive makeup and don't tell me the drugstore stuff is all the same stuff in different packaging, because it's not. There are a few low-end items that I love, but mostly I dig the fancy shit. Plus, I can return it if I don't like it.

Art
Can't help it, I grew up in a family of artists. If you look at a Rothko and say "my five-year-old can do that", I'm going to think you're an idiot. Not for not getting it or not liking it, but for not understanding it has merit or it wouldn't be in a freaking fine arts museum. Plus, what's to get? Stand in front of a Rothko for a few minutes and see how it makes you feel. Really, just look at it and then get back to me about your five-year-old. Also, that Painter of Light stuff is crap. Don't buy it.

Things I'm not a snob about:

Cars
I drive an '88 Nova that I paid $1500 for. It goes, I'm happy. Sure, I'd like a newer, shinier car with AC and a CD player, but it's not a priority. My car loves me and I love it and we have an understanding. 143,000 miles and still going strong!

Television
Please. I'll watch anything except daytime soaps.

Books
I love to read, and sure, I like books that expand my horizons and make me think, but I also like to be entertained. I like J. D. Salinger and I like Stephen King. I'll read an Oprah book without wincing (Except Where The Heart Is which was a big pile of crap.). Hell, I even read and liked Bridget Jones' Diary. I like books.

Clothes
I like nice looking, well-fitting clothes, but I don't care where they come from or what the label says. Also, I like bargains and I love shopping secondhand. I've got $120 jeans that I paid $20 for. Ha, I love that.

PS. I had a much harder time coming up with things for the Not Snobby list than for the Snobby list. Maybe I'm too particular? Maybe that's a nice way of saying I'm insufferable? Hee.

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Want to say it like Snoop? Try the Shizzolator .

If you ever watched Beverly Hills 90210, you must read this entry by Sars.

That's izzle, kids! Have a gizzle weekend 'n shit!

0 chatty monkeys

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