What Are You Wearing?
Tuesday, Feb. 25, 2003 @ 4:26 p.m.

What Are You Wearing?

Okay, this is a real entry, for real. Sorry about yesterday, it was just one of those days when any sort of creative thought was going to manifest itself into a self-involved pity rant and nobody needs that.

My evening was an improvement, as I went to the gym and released all my grump into weight lifting and a short cardio workout. Exercise is the best stress reliever of all times, except maybe that Aveda hot stone massage that Ashley bought me for my birthday last year. That was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Just thinking about it makes me feel more relaxed.

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The Grammys.

Too much time has passed and the horror is starting to fade, but I thought I'd lay down a few of my thoughts. Keep in mind, I don't think the Grammys have anything to do with music: what's good or not, or what's worthy or not. Really, to quote Max, the Grammys are "Boring awards for boring people making boring music." And that's exactly it. If the Grammys were really about what's good, David Bowie would've been up for more than one stinking award, not to mention countless other bands, but I won't get into all that.

So, why do I watch it? Because it's a celebrity train wreck and there's nothing more painfully entertaining than that. The ceremony started out with a painfully embarrassing introduction by Dustin Hoffman and the painfully embarrassing moments just piled up from that point on:

-Robin Williams: Shut up, shut up, shut up.
-Fred Durst: Agreeance? Not a word. Nice try, though.
-Faith Hill: Ick with the crotch-duster dress and don't get me started on your horrible song.
-Ashanti: Your dress? See-though. The Children of All Occupations? Creepy.
-Aretha Franklin:

Girl. I will never make fun of your weight because I'm not like that. Your outfit, however, I must take down. Why would you try to look like a parade float bride? That dress and it's showgirlesque attachment was the most bizarrely meringue-like creation I've ever seen. You are a legendary lady, why not dress like one? Take a hint from Queen Latifah, who always looks great. Also, Gwen Stefani looked freaking adorable.

I finally cracked and lunged at my television during N'Sync's Bee Gees medley. It was just too much to have to suffer through. I missed the Clash tribute, which I'm sorry about, but I just couldn't handle any more, you know?

I did enjoy the performance by No Doubt, though I thought the back up dancers/rope swingers were unnecessary. I also enjoyed Simon and Garfunkel, Norah Jones and Coldplay. Everything else was pretty much a sucktastic time waster, but I knew that going in.

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Uneducated Movie Review:

I think I promised a review of The Hours? Okay, here's my review:

I didn't like it.

What, that's not enough? Really, I just didn't like it. For one thing, it was too actory. Ed Harris was ACTING. He was EMOTING. He was IN CHARACTER, EMOTING DEEPLY AND THEATRICALLY, BECAUSE HE WAS ACTING. (Aaaaand scene!)

Also, I know it's not supposed to be a pleasant movie about pleasant things, but every single scene was tense and uncomfortable and that's hard to watch for two hours. Also, there were all kinds of little things thrown in there which were artistically unexplained and that irritates me. It's not artistic, it's bad storytelling. It's sloppy. I did think Toni Colette and Nicole Kidman were both really good and well cast in the roles they played. The End.

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Excerpt from an email from my friend Angela, (a classy bitch), discussing the "dress code" in my office:

Keep on the lookout for Pooh and other fun-loving cartoons! You should play a game: how many Disney characters can you spot in a day? How did Disney characters become business casual, anyway? Grown-ups can wear cartoons on their clothes and I can't have purple hair?

I wanna talk to who's in charge. I demand logic.

Office Dress Code:

There doesn't seem to be one here. It's all "anything goes! Slutty? Bring it on! Velour track suit? Perfectly acceptable! Sweatpants with 'Team Mickey' written on the ass? Lovely!"

But that's not what I want to address today. Today I would like to point out that not all shoes go with all outfits. To the lady I saw this morning in the lobby, please know that white, high-heeled lace-up ankle boots do not go with black hose and a maroon dress. DO NOT. They do not, in any way, go with your outfit. Please go home and try again.

Another example: to the woman I saw wearing black tights and a short dark green dress with pale, camel colored mary janes? Not so much. F'real, people, light shoes go with light outfits. Neutral shoes go with neutral outfits.

Let me make it easier for you. In the morning after you've gotten dressed, look in a full length mirror. If your eyes are constantly drawn down and distracted by the lightness of your shoes compared with the rest of the outfit, change them. Or, change the outfit. Thank you and good night.

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Here's the Yahoo Grammy photo slideshow if you care.

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