Stinkiness. Nastiness. Rage and Despair.

The whole world, it seems, has become obnoxiously over-scented and it's giving me a headache. I use unscented skincare, lotion, detergent, deodorant and fabric softener, Stink lines seem to be coming off anything and everything, but I fear the scented revolution is unavoidable.

First we have the stanky candles. How the employees at The Yankee Candle Co. don't all have brain damage is beyond me. I can't even walk past that horrible store. The synthetic smells of Blueberry, Buttercream and Hazelnut Coffee scented candles makes the hair in my nose frizzle and closes my throat right up. Nas-tay.

Then we have the Bath & Body Works crap. Why. In. Hell. would anyone want to walk around smelling like Sun Ripened Raspberry? Holy crap, it's the fakest, most obnoxiously cloying scent ever! The offenders generally don't just wear the raspberry body spray, heavens no, they must layer it with raspberry lotion and shampoo and God knows what else. Why anyone would choose to smell like rancid raspberry jam is beyond me.

Finally, we have air "freshener". Air freshener is wrong. It does not freshen, it only covers a bad smell with a worse smell. Sometimes it's even built-in and regulated, which just freaks me right out. I was in the bathroom at work the other day and, while washing my hands, I heard a small click come from a box on the wall above me. I looked up just as it released a cloud of misty stank. I recoiled as if it were poison gas. It may as well have been, judging from the sickly-sweet pink smell of it. What if I had inhaled it? And, Jesus, can't the bathroom at least be spared? Bathrooms smell bad enough without the added a layer of synthetic nastiness. We're all going to get brain tumors from this crap, and when it happens, we'll know who to blame.

* I like certain perfumes and some scented stuff, but I'm very picky and mostly can only handle non-synthetic (read = expensive) scents.

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An Entirely Different Brand of Nasty:

my co-worker who has the cube directly across from Smarmy McSmartypants told me that yesterday after lunch, Smarmy called everyone he knew to tell them how amazingly great the burger he had for lunch was.

Apparently he was incredibly detailed in his description, talking about how the butter from the saut�ed mushrooms ran down his chin. Have you ever heard anything so nasty in your life? He's lucky I wasn't around to hear this or I would've horked on his desk.

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Completely Superficial Rage and Despair:

Last fall I decided I needed a pair of really great boots to wear for job interviews. I found them at a snooty Carytown boutique: knee-high black leather with pointy toes and a mid-height Louis heel. These boots are amazing- they look great with jeans, pants and skirts. They make me feel a little taller, a lot more sophisticated and, occasionally, downright chic. That's a lot of boot, right?

I was feeling a little down yesterday, so I wore them to make me feel better. Then, while walking down the hall, noticed that the right boot felt a little..squishy. I sat down and looked at the heel and God damn it, the plastic heel has cracked almost all the way through. It's not repairable. God damn. God damn. God damn. I cried. I freaked. I ripped apart the house looking for the receipt, which I didn't find. Fuuuuuuuck.

I bought them from the kind of place that doesn't allow returns, but I'm going to go tomorrow evening and try my best anyway. I'm expecting a fight, but I'll start with super-duper-nice and work my way up to angry-irrational-bitch if I have too. I've probably only worn them 12 times and they're clearly defective. Grrrr. Wish me luck!

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Random Fun Link:

The Advertising Slogan Generator!

Have Adrien Your Way.

Maybe She's Born With It, Maybe It's Adrien.

Leggo my Adrien!

Thank you and good night!

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