I'm in such a weird mood today. Earlier in the week I started writing an entry about my weekend, but today I had jury duty and that totally takes the cake over last weekend. It was a good one but can be summed up pretty quickly:

Saturday:Non-crazy craft show in a small vacation town in rural Virginia. People were very nice to us and pretty much not crazy, though I have to say the peach pie those (fake?) Amish were selling wasn't all that. It looked good, but it really wasn't peach-arific, which I think a peach pie should be. ANYWAY. It was a decent show and the only bad part was the incredibly narrow high bridge we had to drive over to get there. It sucked more than your average bridge, I tell you.

Sunday: Woot, bike race! It was hot, it was painful, I came in third. I tried for second place but started having heart palpitations so I slowed it down a bit. Hahaha, what? I know. Hey, did I tell you guys I was on a team? It's sort of a fake team, but that makes it even better. Here's the website I just created for us: Team Lummox

Sweet, right? That front page image is on the back of our jerseys. I love it - sexist, but in a fun way.

Okay, so I have jury duty this month and today was my first day to serve. I've done two terms in the past and but never actually been on a jury. It was raining when I got up and that really helped SO MUCH towards putting me in a good mood for my annoying drive downtown. I hate driving downtown. I naturally arrived way too early because I have a rabid fear of lateness - one that none of my fellow jurors seem to have, I might add. I brought a book, though and I never mind having to sit and wait if I have something good to read.

I sat in the jury room and read and generally minded my own business which did not for a second stop the guy a few seats down from wanting to chat. What is it with people like that? I'm reading SO I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO YOU. He volunteered that he was an insurance adjuster (hiss) and they never wanted him on a jury. Being polite, I mentioned that I'd always been dismissed myself and he said, "that's because you look too normal." The fuck? What does that mean? I told him I wasn't sure how I felt about that and he assured me he meant it as a compliment. I don't know about you, but being called "too normal" doesn't sit well with me. Have all my efforts been in vain? I avoided him after that.

So then the dryly funny Juror Herder Guy came in and took roll and gave everyone their assignments. We also had to watch an orientation video which was amusing only because it was shown on an ancient 13" inch television so you couldn't really see or understand it. Tax dollars are clearly not at work in the courts building.

Before I continue, can I just say how ridiculous people are? There was a clear statement on the call-in voicemail about wearing proper attire in the court room. Ahhh, yeah. I think they mean shorts and flip flops are out, folks. File under Also Not Appropriate: t-shirts that read (in glitter) I WANT IT ALL. Wow, it never fails to amaze me. I would never expect business suits, but maybe clothes without messages...written in glitter? And flip flops? Not business attire unless you're a lifeguard.

Moving on, I got picked. Yes indeedy, I made jury on a mega-important high-profile personal injury case. Sweet! Okay, it was small stuff but not to the people involved, I'm guessing. I actually found the whole process really interesting and afterwards I had that cleansed do-gooder feeling. I also had the feeling that I might start gnawing on my arm because they don't give snack breaks in court, apparently, and it had been hours since breakfast. I mentioned this on the elevator and I think the other jurors are now a little afraid of me.

One important thing to note: I am officially ancient because I walked in, took one look at the lawyers and immediately wondered if they were child savants or something. So baby-fresh! The sad-sack defendant was being represent by a Doogie Howser type who didn't look a day over fifteen. BABY LAWYERS.

I enjoyed the deliberation part quite a bit - hearing the solid, no-nonsense and sometimes weird opinions of complete strangers is fabulous. We'd all been listening for more than an hour and were all dying to get it out. There is no cross-section quite like a jury, I don't think.

We found in favor of the plaintiff who really really REALLY needs to learn to annunciate. I had to concentrate way too hard to understand him and I was expecting to use that concentration for important things, like the next season of Lost. It was a job of work listening to him try to talk and, lets face it, I'm not used to working that hard.

I swear I'm going to spend the $30 of jury-pay on beer. All of it: beer.

3 chatty monkeys