Yesterday I went on a work retreat and it was...fine, I guess. Here's the thing. The retreat was held at an exclusive $500-a-night hotel out in the middle of the country, the kind of place where the Rolling Stones stay (seriously) when they have a concert nearby, and while it was super nice and all, we still spent the entire day in a below ground level room, which is what I do every day anyway. So, it's basically torture. Torture with PowerPoint presentations.

We left by bus at 8:00am (why do charter buses all smell like that? What is that smell, exactly? Sadness? Do they clean with sadness-scented Lysol or something?) and arrived at the grand estate a little after 9:00am. Luckily I'd eaten breakfast early that morning because we didn't get fed until 1:00pm. That's a really long time without food, especially when you're going to draw the curtains and talk marketing strategy at me. It was hard.

Lunch (Starched linen! Risotto!) was really nice, I think. I barely remember the taste because I was busy shoveling the food in to prevent my body from feeding off itself any longer. The dining room overlooked gorgeous rolling hills of frolic and amusement, of which we were not to take part. After lunch we were shuffled back in the basement room until 3:45pm, at which time we were given ten whole delightful minutes to feel the sun on our face and watch other people swim in the two fancy pools before shuffling back onto the Sadness Express.

During the drive back the folks sitting behind me talked business the whole drive back. Really? They didn't get enough? I mean, wow, they were strategizing and shit and while had a nice conversation about shopping because why would I want to talk about work at this point unless it was to make fun of someone?

Speaking of making fun of someone, a dilly woman I work with told me she was shocked and appalled to find out that Anderson Cooper was gay. She said, "But I thought he was so cute!" as if his buggery was just ruining her sick little fantasy. I replied, "Oh, he's still cute, he's just not cute for YOU." Ha, she didn't like that and then talked about all the trials his mother had gone through, as if being gay is right up there with his brother's suicide. I mean, goddamn. What an asshole thing to say! It didn't surprise me coming from her.

Wow, I need to stop talking about work because I don't usually do that. I really like my job and would like to remain employed. (Dear Employer Spyware: THE RETREAT WAS LIFE-CHANGING AND MY BOSS IS PRETTY.)

*****

I want to say before I forget that whoever posted a comment (#15! That's what I'm talking about!) as "Broke Ass Car Wash" pretty much made my day. I actually LOLed. Since we're back on the subject, hey look! The Nova is officially for sale:

I put it up on Craig's List and got a reply later that afternoon from a girl who wanted to come over that very night and pay cash. I replied with our information and then promptly Googled her. Really, please don't do this because inevitably you will realize this person is NOT the person you want to sell your darling little car to and you will be really, really relieved when she blows you off. First of all, I found her MySpace page. Oh, no no no no. Is everyone on MySpace an idiot? It was all flashing gifs and conservative email forwards. She also had an ad up for a cat she was trying to find a home for because her landlord doesn't allow pets. Maybe don't get a cat then? I really hate that shit. Anyway, she didn't show up and I was glad. My baby Nova deserves better! You can't have my car you Bush-loving freak! Even though you didn't show up anyway! Which also pisses me off!

There's just no pleasing me.

9 chatty monkeys