Guaranteed to piss at least some of you off.

Dear Rabid Christians,

Dudes, just stop it with the fake boycotts. It's not like we're trying to replace "Merry Christmas" with "Fuck You, Jesus". We just like to take into consideration that NOT EVERYONE IS CHRISTIAN when we say "Happy Holidays" instead. I hate the assumption that everyone is Christian which I think is why I get so annoyed when the Annoying Mail Guy wishes me a blessed day. Hey, maybe I'm Jewish! Or pagan! Or Islamic! I don't think that thought would ever pass through his pea brain. He only speaks in catch-phrases anyway and he's pre-programed with only 20 responses. Current seasonal response: "Are you ready for Christmas yet?" When I gave my usual deadpan "no" he asked why not. BECAUSE I WORSHIP SATAN, THAT'S WHY NOT.

In actuality I consider myself unaffiliated but I do like the idea of a winter celebration. I like celebrating the change of seasons or solstice (or whatever) and if that has Christmas-esque trappings, so what? It's not like I'm taking anything away from the uber-righteous. Go to church, worship however you want, and mind your own business.

As a final word, can I just point out how ridiculous it is to boycott shopping in certain locations because the mass-marketers aren't being inappropriately reverent to what has become a really, really commercial holiday? The Rabids don't seem to mind the commercialism, they just want you to call it by the appropriate tag. It's CHRISTMAS shopping, people, not HOLIDAY shopping. Geez.

Love,

The Nonbeliever

Hi all. I am STRESSED OUT. Sincerely, I have been so freaking busy and I'm not just saying that to avoid my 20ish day absence. I am positively twitching with anxiety.

The past few weekends of jewelry events have been generally successful, with one notable exception: You know what's a bad idea? Doing an outdoor show December. It seemed like a cute idea when we signed up in October, you know? Add also to this: selling nothing while toes get frostbite. But we have one more trunk show coming up and I have a zillion things to do for Christmas prep that I haven't even been able to think about. Tree? Gifts? Baking? 10 people at my house Christmas Eve? Ha! Hahhahaa. I weep.

To top this all off, our cat Fuzz started limping Sunday night so I took her to the vet and paid 100 American dollars to find out there was nothing wrong with her. In the examination room she required a plastic neck cone and an assistant to hold her because you'd have thought they were cutting her legs off rather than just feeling around. She howled and growled and moaned and peed all over the table. It was grand. Poor Fuzz. She was traumatized and so was I.

On Monday Kate and I sold jewelry at her mother's Women's Club holiday sale thingy which was weird and hilarious all at the same time. We were in a giant mansion-eque house and set up our table in front of the largest television I've ever seen. Leave it to me to be impressed by the size of the television. The event would�ve been much better if we hadn't been stuck in the same room as a crated standard poodle. This dog was having an anxiety attack for the entire three hours we were there. I've never seen so much drool in my life. Gross.

*****

The Monday referenced above was, um, last Monday and all that stress finally gave me the great mother of all head colds. I had no idea of my amazing capacity to create enormous amounts of unnecessary mucus. Grossed out yet? Sorry, it's true. I feel? Like ass. The happy side effect is that I no longer give a shit if I get everything done or not. If a few gifts don't get purchased on time and I serve insta-soup dip instead of home-made? Well, fuck it. That's what I say. Happy fucking holidays, monkeys!

0 chatty monkeys