Five O'Clock World
Wednesday, Apr. 20, 2005 @ 3:24 p.m.

What's up, bitches?

I've got my first bike race this weekend and pretty much all I've done lately is ride. Riding after work is seriously my favorite thing ever and right now is the perfect time - it's warm but the mosquitoes ain't got born yet. The woods are beautiful and everything�s blooming, which is great if you don't mind the large green pollen clouds. (None of this detracts from the liquid fear of racing, though. I read a description of the course earlier today and my heart started racing just by reading about it! I wish I could just skip the starting line bullshit and wake up when I'm about ten minutes into the woods and my knees have stopped feeling all weak and hollow. Nice.)

While there aren't yet mosquitoes, we do seem to have a bumble bee issue, though. I think there's a nest under our shed where we keep the bikes, because every morning and evening there are scads of bumble bees zipping all around. I know they probably won't hurt me but they're so big and buzzy that it freaks me out when I'm frantically trying to unlock the shed and I got bees sexing it up all around me. See, that's what all the bumbling fuss is about - bee sex. I actually saw bees doing it! In mid-air! And in the grass! Every now and then Stella loses her mind and does these amazing gymnastic leaps trying to catch one. Cats are hilarious.

Other stuff that's making me happy:

Silver shoes. I don't know if you read my ridiculous fashion blog, Shiny Things, so you may not know the saga of the silver shoes, but short version: they finally arrived and they are glorious. I keep looking at my feet because they're just so shiny! I went outside in the sun and looked at them and they almost blinded me, that's how shiny they are. I highly recommend that everyone have at least one pair of ridiculous shoes. They make everything better.

Letter writing prowess. I think I learned this from my sister - if you can't change something that sucks, write a strongly worded letter about it. I wrote such a letter to Magnavox about the piece of crap television we bought and sent off copies to higher-ups at three different locations. I don't know if it will do any good, but it made me feel better.

KEEN stuff. People like our stuff! People buy our stuff! It's great. We have a couple of events coming up and I'm really excited to see what happens. I've been working on it every night while watching TV at night and it's amazing the amount of shit I can make during one episode of Alias.

The Office on NBC. I know, the Brit version is better, but the American version is really good too. It's not all weirdly USA-shiny and the uncomfortable pauses are really fabulously uncomfortable. They nailed it. If you're not watching, give it a go before it gets canceled (which it will because I watch it. I am death to good programming.)

Style Network. I watch it in the morning while getting ready for work. Every day it's a different show - Nigella Lawson, gay runway shows, New York Nick (cracks me up), that crazy Lauren Ezersky woman. It's much better than the Morning fill-em-with-fresh-fear news.

Stuff that's pissing me off:

Public Radio Fundraising. Look, I know they need to raise money to keep going but do they have to torture me to do it? By the end of the fundraising period I'm ready to go down to the station and shove that tote bag right up the announcer's ass. I GET IT. YOU WANT MONEY. That doesn't give you the right to make people feel guilty about buying a coffee every day. Dude, $60 gets you a tin of Virginia peanuts. What? (edited to add: they just announced that David Duchovny is about to come on. Is he HERE? In town? Oh, damn. I need to write a check in whatever amount it takes to get a Duchovny of my very own.)

Papal Crapal. I think the pope-picking went poorly. Say that five times fast.

Style Network. I know I said right up there that I liked it, but there's an exception. The exception is called "The Modern Girls Guide to Life." It's a ridiculous show that everyone should find offensive. On one more recent bullshit episode they had a segment on packing a fast, simple and glamour-filled lunch. They had a chef making the lunch, which included a sandwich of brie, pear and red wine braised red onion, a condiment that takes THREE HOURS to make. Fuck glamour, what is fast and simple about red onions that take three fucking hours to cook? This segment was clearly written by people who've never packed a lunch in their entire lives. But, um, I digress.

Elevator people. There is an elevator right outside my office door so I see the fools who come in every morning and take that elevator up one or two floors. This building only has three floors! Why on earth would you even bother? For some reason it bugs the crap out of me.

My little MP3 player. It froze up on me. I've had it for three months. I swear to god, I am death to electronics. I emailed customer service and Bruno replied with the most convoluted fixing instructions which, of course, requires that I lose all my songs. He did warn that I should back up my data but gave no helpful instructions on how to do this. I am filled with helpless rage because I cannot find Select New Partition so it's impossible for me to Select it. Here's a selection of the instructions he sent:

Right Click on Disk 1 Removable and select Format and Format the Cruzer Mini/MP3 player/flash card. If you do not Have the Format option please Select New Partition and just keep clicking next through the Wizard that appears. After you have formatted (In FAT)the Cruzer Mini/MP3 player/flash card please Test it.

Um, okay then. I'll...get right on that... Bruno.

10 chatty monkeys

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