Why does Shania Twain hate me?
Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004 @ 4:24 p.m.

Shania Twain hates me. She read my scathing criticism about her last weird-ass video and decided to torture me with the latest one. Have you seen this horror? Kate had described it to me and I shuddered just hearing about it, but oh, seeing is believing, if by believing I mean screaming in pain.

See, Shania (and most country music acts) seems to be living under the delusion that it's still the 80s and all videos need to have a quirky little story/narrative thing. "Party of Two" (oh, GOD, I know) is no exception. It opens with Shania in some God-awful outfit chatting on the phone with this guy and trying to convince him to come to her party...for two. The guy she's chatting with? MARK MCGRATH, THE DUMBEST MAN IN SHOW BUSINESS. It's HORRIBLE. It's a DUET and it's HORRIBLE. They chat, they sing, they GROSS ME OUT. ( Robyn understands.)

Speaking of grossing me out, Hi, Scott Weiland? Here's a sandwich. Please eat it. See, your low-rise leather pants and model-skinny hip bones are freaking me right out. I remember when you used to be hot but that time is OVER. What, you're a drug addict? I would never have guessed it. Good thing you reinacted that overdose scene in your latest video so now we all know how bizarrely show-offy you are about it. Jesus, dude. Get help or don't, but don't try to make it all cool and glamorous. Kids today, I swear. PS. Slash? Time to retire that sad hair and top hat combo, for reals, dude. (sorry lasvegasliz, but you know it's true).

**********

I don't usually post about my stat tracker, but if one more Goddamn person searches for "Eeyore tattoo" or "Tara Reid" I'm going to lose it. It's not here, people! What you seek is not here, unless you want mocking which is very much here. Props though, to the person who keeps searching "Personal Work Ponies". I don't know what that's all about but I'm in. Yes sir, a personal work pony sounds like something I need and want.

Two entries in a row? What is the world coming to?

3 chatty monkeys

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