Ha, so I love that my sister and I both wrote lengthy dissertations about small-mammal-catching spiders. (Mine was first though, so she's just a big copycat.) I don't know what that says about us - do we need new ideas or are giant spiders interesting? Judging by the lack of COMMENTS (DOWN AT THE BOTTOM IN MY COMMENTS SECTION, WHICH IS EMPTY) in my last entry, I'm going to guess it's the former. Huh. What makes you guys think I even care what you think? I happen to think spiders and giant webs are interesting.

Anyway, speaking of dissertations (well, I mentioned it way back up there. Please try to keep up), part of my job involves reading bits of dissertations that are being submitted to fellowship programs and the like. I also get to gawk at faculty resumes which lately has been just making me feel like a loser. Recent case: a professor who is exactly one year older than me and speaks four languages, got her PhD two freaking years ago and has published quite a list of articles. Me? I sell stuff on eBay, publish bitchy journal entries and have a BFA in Crafts. Yeah, that's what I said, Crafts. Yes, it is too a major and I graduated Magna Cum Laude which translates into "With Great Mother-Effing Honors, Fool." In Crafts.

I really was a Fine Art Crafts major, with a concentration in jewelry and metals. I also did some glass blowing which was quite a rush and scored me a pretty cool boyfriend for about five minutes. I'm not sure why this didn't translate into a stellar career as a jewelry designer, but I think it might have something to do with the number of business courses I was required to take, which was exactly none. Why? Why don't they make art majors take a small business course? It would make sense, I think. Anyway, I loved it and I still dabble in some found object pieces (jewelry and otherwise) but I'm a bit of a snob about what I do and I get very annoyed in the froofy bead stores which I'm forced to go to for findings, that, if I had a studio and a torch, I could make myself instead of spending Way Too Much on their crappy offerings.

I went to both stupid bead stores this week because I'm making a necklace for my mom. The first store is one that's been around for years and I loathe it. I loathe it even more than Michael's or Ben Franklin or any of the other horrible scented-candle-fake-flower-scrapbook-crap-emporium of cheesy craft supplies. I loathe it because it's staffed by simply awful college-age girls who act like you're the MOST incredibly boring and indecisive person they've ever deigned to help and if you would just go away they could finish beading the swell dreamcatcher they were working on before being so rudely interrupted.

Example: I asked for the box with the brass toggle clasps and she pulled it out then looked at me blankly when I asked where the brass toggles were. The box? Had no brass toggles. Just silver. She muttered something about guessing they were out of stock and then just stood there blankly. Fantastic. Then, I asked for jump rings and the size I needed was all tangled in with a smaller size and she just stood there blankly watching me struggle to pull them apart. No offer to help, nothing. Just blank looks and occasionally a deep sigh of annoyance. I hate that place.

The other store is the exact opposite and has a name so embarrassing that I can't even say it out loud. They are the happy feely store and specialize in Jesus. They can meet all your Jesus beading project needs. All of them. The extra peppy owner forced a schedule of beading/metal clay classes ("For beady-eyed women!") into my hand and I smiled and had to bite back my snobbery because I WENT TO COLLEGE TO LEARN TO MAKE JEWELRY FROM A MASTER. WITH A TORCH. Beading is fine and all, but I ain't going to any Kozy Jesus Kraft classes. I'm just never going to do it. After ringing up my purchases the owner handed me the bag and said "Here are your treasures!" I almost barfed on her.

There you have it, kids. A rare and completely pointless Monday entry. Go with God and bead some shit.

9 chatty monkeys