I am a lazy bitch, aren't I?

So really, what's been going on with me? Not a whole lot of anything. There have been floods and tropical storms which, thankfully, did not effect (affect? I never get that one right) Kenny and I directly, but did mess with friend's basements, which completely sucks. The other night there was a storm/Tornado Watch #384 and Kenny and I casually discussed the best place to hide if a tornado was headed our way (the hall closet won but I'm not sure we'd both fit along with the three cats. They'd tear us to shreds, the ungrateful bitches).

The emergency storm warnings crack me up because the announcer guy is all "If you can't find shelter, lie in a ditch and cover your head with your hands." Good plan! Duck and cover, kids. This wouldn't really have worked a week or so ago because all the ditches? Full of water. While trying to drive home during the flood and torrential rains (terrifying), I listened to a DJ take calls from local hee-haws:

Yokel: "Man, what's going on? I-95 is a parking lot! Is there a tracker-trailer accident or sumthin?"
DJ: "Noooo, THERE'S. A. FLOOD. DUDE."

It was crazy (and I just realized that I'm more or less discussing the weather.) Moving on.

It's practically fall, and despite the fact that it's 90 degrees out, I want fall clothes. I want sweaters and cords and purple stuff and tweed. I want boots! I do not, however, want Ugg boots. I do not understand the Ugg. They look like the kind of thing that hippie eskimos would wear and while I'm sure they are, like, TOTALLY SUPER-DUPER COMFY, sometimes you just have to say fucking hell no and be a little less than slipper-comfy as far as outdoor footwear goes. Plus, the whole Ugg thing is out of control. Furball purse, anyone?

Hi, I'm old. Here's how old I am: Haircut 100 on "VH1: Bands Reunited". I was lit up, people, when I saw that. New Wave is so freaking awesome and Pelican West was the first record (RECORD AS IN VINYL) I ever bought with my own money. It was $7.25 and I only had $7.00 so the guy behind me in line gave me a quarter. That was sweet of him. Oh, Nick Heyward, how I loved you and your interview in Teen Beat where you said that king prawns was your favorite food. I didn't even know what king prawns were, but they were my favorite too. Totally.

Oh shut it. He was dreamy as hell if you're an eleven year old girl. I wish I still had that record but I made the mistake of taking over to my genius future-Rhodes-Scholar-and-no-I'm-not-kidding best friend's house. I left it there accidentally and when I called and asked about it they swore up and down they couldn't find it and it wasn't there. Liars. Probably return karma for the time I broke wee Katherine Oben's* Breyer model Black Stallion and never replaced it even though I promised to. I still feel guilty about that one. I feel like I should look her up and send her a check or something, but then I just remembered that her family were republicans and are probably still republicans and it's their fault if Bush gets re-elected, so fuck it. We're even. My logic makes good sense, don't it?

For those that still care (hi, xnavygrrl!) here's what I've got going on:

- Bike race this Sunday. I haven't done one of these in a few months and I'm already nervous about it. Really I shouldn't be, as losing is way easier than winning (which I have no chance of because I know of at least three women in my category who can kick my ass) but I don't want to be last place. Hopefully it will be fun because I've been riding well this summer. Note to self: normal folks read the paper and eat pancakes on Sunday morning. Please look into this.

- Job = awesome. BTW, The mail guy wants you to know that it's FRIDAY and also to have a blessed weekend. He freaks me right out.

- Classes. If by classes I mean I got an amazing and free hour-long massage, then yes. Classes are good.

- Cursing eBay. Remember that knockoff bag I was talking about in my last entry? Well, it arrived, via some eBay seller in NY who I'm sure just trotted up to a street vendor and plunked down $15 for it. I could kill that girl. The bag arrived, oh yes. And it looks pretty good and it is real leather. It's practically perfect if you don't mind it SMELLING LIKE GOATY ASS. I don't know what kind of leather it's made of (possibly GOAT), but it freaking reeks. So, I decided to do what any girl would - I stuffed it full of dryer sheets and vented baking soda boxes and when the smell fades a bit, back on eBay it goes. In the meantime, I bought this lovely (direct from an actual company) to replace it:

If it smells like ass I'm going to throw a small fit. I'll be sure to document it for you because I know how deeply you care about my goaty-ass handbag needs. Right on.

I had more to whinge on about but I'm busy and shit. Have a good weekend, monkeys!

*names have been sort of changed to protect weird childhood friends.

4 chatty monkeys