Yes indeedy, it's summer time! I love me some summer, yes I do. Our seventeen (yes, SEVENTEEN) tomato plants are growing all crazy and we currently have a bumper crop of green tomatoes. I sing lullabies to the tomato plants every night: "Tuuuurn red, motherfuckers....turn red....I love to eeeeeat yoooou...better turn reeeeeed." It seems to be working because a few of them have started to ripen, perhaps out of fear. I did briefly consider trying my hand at fried green tomatoes, but romantic though it sounds, I'm guessing they'd probably taste like ass. Can't have everything.

PS. in a related garden story, Kenny has once again proven himself correct: the weird weedy plant I wanted to yank has sprouted some gorgeous white lily-esque blooms that smell like Magnolia. Damn, and I didn't think it was a keeping-plant. I'm a fool.

The kids are out for summer too. Remember how great that was? Just weeks and weeks of freedom? It seemed like it would last forever. I spent my summer childhood days pretending to be horse, mostly. Though, I spend some of it riding actual horses as well. I also rode my bike all over tarnation with bare feet and a dirt tan and wouldn't go home until sunset . We used to walk through the alley with bare feet on purpose just to toughen them up. I believe my sister stepped on more than one nail while doing this, but we had to rough up the feet, man. Barefoot was the way of summer. Shoes were for chumps.

Somewhere there's a black and white picture of me and a couple of my neighborhood kid cronies taken in mid-summer; all of us filthy-dirty and happy as clams. None of our parents had any money so, aside from the occasional stint spent at scholarship-paid-for day camp, we were free to do whatever we wanted as long as we didn't get into trouble (though it didn't always work that way).

You out there with the summer off (Rebecca, I'm looking at you, kid) ENJOY IT. If you find yourself getting bored, suck it up and get busy having a good time. Enjoy your freedom because one day you won't have the summer off anymore and you'll be sad about the time you wasted. I had a summer off a few years ago when I got laid off and I realized it was the first time I'd had a free summer since I was 15 years old. Damn, did I make the most of it, knowing it wouldn't last. I spent my days mountain biking, shopping for crap to sell on eBay, cooking, reading, playing with friends, all the good stuff. Happy summer, monkeys.

Time for a List!

List of Things that Prove I'm a Crusty Old Grown-up Person.

- I have, more than once, called the cops on the party antics of the young whippersnapper college kids who I used to live next door to. Then I spied on them. I think I wrote about this before.

- In trying to discuss new music with my high-school age sister, I referred to Modest Mouse as "Mighty Mouse". Oh, the mortification. This is something my mother would do.

- Grease 2 was on TV last night and I realized that I knew all the songs and actors names. Kenny was mildly horrified. Whatever happened to Maxwell Caulfield? What a dreamboat. (Whoa, edit that. I just looked him up on the imdb and he needs to Just Say No to the tanning bed. Yikes.)

- I have, more and more often, decided that certain beloved foods are now "too sweet". I used to give Kenny so much shit for doing this exact thing. Pop Tarts? Are supposed to be sweet! Now they're Too Sweet. Sadness.

- Recently I saw a young couple who were both completely decked out in late-70's-era British punk rock garb. They had liberty spikes, plaid pants, 180-hole docs, the whole thing. My reaction? "Aww, how cute!"

Wah. I'm going to chug some Ensure now and maybe walk around the mall.

Sign update

The Line Dancing Clowns sign has been replaced with a new one: COME ENJOY WATCHING SQUARE DANCERS! And eat free pizza.

I wonder if the square dancers are also clowns or just the usual variety? Man, the Christians are really stepping it up with the recruiting strategies, I tell you.

9 chatty monkeys