Who Loves Candy? Jesus Does.
Friday, Feb. 27, 2004 @ 2:41 p.m.

...Hello? *tap* *tap* *tap* Is this thing on?

I've gotten boring, haven't I. Yes, I knew it would eventually happen where I'd have less and less to write about that I haven't already written a few times before. Blah blah blah job. Blah blah blah co-worker. Blah blah blah car. Blah blah blah stuff-that-bothers-me. I don't know what to do about my boringness, so I've just been writing less, hoping that when I actually did create an entry it would be interesting and funny and fresh. I think this particular entry will clearly show this isn't the case.

Updates:

I had my interview last week and it went fine. I've not heard anything back yet* and I honestly think they want someone with more marketing experience. It's a very similar position to what I do now (minus the phone-answering bullshit) so there's a small fear in the back of my mind that I'd be getting myself into a similar cruddy situation.

In other job news, a good friend of mine is leaving a great research job and she thinks I'd be perfect for it. The catch? The salary is dreadful. I want the job, I really, really do, however, if they can't pay me enough, I can't take it. And before you say anything understand that I'm weary of being told I should take it anyway, money be damned, because when I say I can't afford a big pay cut, I'm being literal. If I can pay my credit card and loan debt off with swell intentions, that would be one thing, but it's not like it's a matter of not buying the Manolo Blahnik pumps this week. It's a matter of being able to keep my head above water. Why can't I have both? Why can't I have a job I like AND enough money to live on?

PS. as a sparkly addition to the money whine, I should add that I owe the government $900 in taxes from my year of temping. NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS. Nine hundred dollars buys a lot of Manolos, y'all. Actually, it doesn't. I think it would buy about one and a half pairs of Manolos, actually. That's just depressing.

Aren't you guys glad I'm back?

*Whoops, just got an email and nope, like I thought, I didn't get the job. Eh, whatev.

**********

I'm going to bring the room back up by telling you about something I saw last weekend. It was a company van for The Chicken Box, whatever that is. Anyway, written on the side of the van it said The Chicken Box. The Second Best Thing You've Ever Eaten!

Dude.

Dude, I know.

I have a dirty mind because my first reaction was �Aw man, that�s gross.� Then I wondered if it was some sort of kooky religious thing, like maybe communion is supposed to be the first best thing you�ve ever eaten and if you say it�s not you�re a blasphemer? Then I remembered what communion represents and I got even more grossed out. So, really, I need to find out what the First Thing is because it�s making my monkey crazy. And I got enough crazy already. All full up on the crazy.

**********

I'm currently obsessed with yellow paint swatches. Poor Kenny. I kept handing him yellow swatches that all looked alike and saying "What do you think of this one? What about this other one? It's a little pinker, but not pinky-pink like that the first one. More fleshy colored and we don't want fleshy. What about this one? Too lemony? Too bright?" I was exactly like Myrna Loy in "Mr Blandings Builds His Dream House" **. I thought his head was going to explode.

We actually finished painting the dining room and I think it looks really cool. The color is a bit insane (it looked like we were painting with a fluorescent Hi-Liter at first) but I think it works. I should take a picture! Maybe I will.

** Okay, that scene is too funny to not post a transcript of. If you haven't seen this movie in all it's Loy/Grant goodness, please go rent it post-haste:

Muriel: Now, Mr. P. Delford, we'll talk about the painting.
Mr.Delford: Okay.
Muriel: I had some samples - ah, here they are. Now, first: the living room. I want it to be a soft green.
Mr.Delford: Aha ...
Muriel: Not as blue green as a robin, say, ...
Mr.Delford: No ...
Muriel: ... but not as yellow green as daffodil.
Mr.Delford: Aha ...
Muriel: Now, the only sample I could get is a little too yellow. But don't let whoever does it go to the other extreme and get it too blue.
Mr.Delford: No.
Muriel: It should just be a sort of greyish-yellow green!
Mr.Delford: Aha ...
Muriel: Now, the dining room I'd like yellow. Not just yellow - a very gay yellow. Something bright and sunshiny.
Mr.Delford: Aha ...
Muriel: I tell you, Mr. P. Delford - if you'll send one of your workmen to the grocer for a pound of their best butter and match that exactly, you can't go wrong!
Mr.Delford: Aha ...
Muriel: Now, this is the paper we're going to use in the hall. It's flowered, but I don't want the ceiling to match any of the colors of the flowers.
Mr.Delford: No ...
Muriel: There's some little dots in the background, and it's these dots I want you to match. Not the little greenish dot near the hollyhockle, ...
Mr.Delford: No ...
Muriel: ... but the little blueish dot between the rosebud and the delphinium blossom. Is that clear?
Mr.Delford: Aha ...
Muriel: Now, the kitchen is to be white. Not a cold, antiseptic hospital white.
Mr.Delford: No ...
Muriel: A little warmer - but still, not to suggest any other color but white.
Mr.Delford: Aha ...
Muriel: Now for the carter room - in here - I want you to match this thread. And don't lose it: it's the only spool I have, and I had an awful time finding it. As you can see, it's practically an apple red. Somewhere between a healthy winesap and an unripened jonathan.
Mr.Delford: Aha ...
(The sound of tableware falling down is heard in the background)
Muriel: Oh, excuse me ...
Mr.Delford: You got that, Charlie?
Jack: Red, green, blue, yellow, white!
Mr.Delford: Correct.

**********

And now I'm going to write about something I really know something about - Candy. More specifically, candy in honor of The Return of Jesus and his pagan counterpart, The Easter Bunny What Lays Eggs. I immediately buy Cadbury Mini-Eggs when they come out because damn, they're good. If you can get the British ones please do because they're even better. More expensive, but better. Peeps are also a favorite, but they're more for buying and mocking than for eating (though I'll do that too). Today I bought a bag of jelly beans (sorry Jelly Bird Eggs) and I'm going to list the colors in order of preference:

1. Orange. Damn tasty.
2. Black. Sure, they have a metallic-y twang to them and they'll turn your teeth green, but I love them.
3. Green. Refreshingly limey.
4. Yellow. I like the citrus, I guess.
5. Red. They're grossly RED tasting, but delicious at the same time.

Then, when I get desperate and have eaten all the good flavors:

6. White. Eew, I think they're supposed to be vanilla? They taste like scented candles.
7. Purple. They have that purple candy flavor that's meant to be grape but isn't anything like grapes.
8. Pink. The lowest of the low. They taste like old lady lipstick. If you're digging these out of the bottom of your Easter basket, you know everything else good is gone and you're just a nasty candy junkie, that's what you are.

That's all I got, kids. Have a good weekend!

6 chatty monkeys

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