I was going to write Snow Day, Part I yesterday, but I was much too busy sitting on my ass and watching crappy television. Yes, that's correct, I actually had an authorized Day Off yesterday because of the snow. I couldn't believe it when Boss Lady told me to stay home, but then she added "but you can make up the time in other ways" and I very much believed it. I don't even want to know what kind of evilness she has in mind.

Last night, she called and said we (meaning me) would be opening the office at 10am, which was fine. Nice of her, even. Almost instantly she ruined her goodwill by adding the following statement: "Because, you know, I can't have everyone just not show up for work because of a little bit of ice and snow!" This would almost make sense if I'd thrown a fit about coming in (or if it actually was just a liddle teensy bit of snow and ice), but I didn't and it isn't. At all. No matter what, we, her employees, are all trying to take advantage of her. Never mind the thick layer of snow and ice that coats the road, city-wide. (The City of Richmond has exactly 70 snow plows.) What freaking ever, lady.

So yesterday was spent sitting on my ass and watching TV while eating an assortment of nasty snacks purchased at the drugstore, which was a mile-long trudge through the snow. It seemed like a fun idea at the time (cabin fever is no joke) and it was for a while, but by the time we got to the drugstore we were too cold to have proper snack judgment.

Here's what I learned from that trip: Never, ever eat a snack called Nut Poppers no matter how much the name makes you laugh. It's good for jokes, but really, nothing else. I should've known that any snack which vaguely claims "delicious snack flavors" (ass? palm oil residue? factory floor dust?) as the the crunchy nut coating description, should just be avoided. But Goddamn, it's called NUT POPPERS. You cannot even believe a group of people were paid to come up with that. Nut. Poppers. Why not just call it Ball Breakers? Or Testicle Smashers?

Anyway, in other news, our washing machine died. It washes, but does not do the whole spin/rinse/spin thingy. This is actually quite an important step, which was made clear to me as I wrung icily cold, still soapy, water out of my heaviest clothing. That is a FUN TASK on a cold snowy day. Everyone should try it! Better than white-washing a fence! A new washer is not terribly much more money than a washer repair man, so I think we'll be doing some major appliance shopping this weekend. Did you know you can buy a $219 washer or a $1500 washer? For $1500, it better turn my clothes into couture. In goes the Gap, out comes Marc Jacobs! Brilliant. Meanwhile, I wonder how bad it is to use the same towel for a week? It's either that or the Laundromat, people. My own filth? Or everyone else's? Quite the decision.

(I wrote this bit last week. Note: crazy temp is already history. Actually, all temps but one are history. It's barely worth learning their names anymore. Ebb and flow.)

Oh my God, Oh my God, oh my GOD. One of the new temps is a crazy pet lady. She's overly nice and talks really fast and has told us twice about the nicknames she and her husband came up with last night for their nine pets. Three of the nine are gigantic dogs. I know this because I've heard about them three damn times. Now, I have three cats myself and I'm officially Down With Pets, but for some reason this woman just talkstalkstalks about Odie and Snookems and Fluffy without even taking a breath. Holy God, it's exhausting.

And just to round out the co-worker smack talk, lets talk about The Oaf. The Oaf is a tall, overly loud gangly guy who I generally don't mind. He's too loud, but he always takes his calls, which I appreciate. However, he stayed home sick yesterday and then came in sick today. I hate that. Not only did he come in all miserable and sniffy, he came in reeking of Sick. You know the smell of sick - the smell of someone who's taken to their bed with a bad cold and hasn't bothered to shower or change clothes? Yeah, he smells like that. It's seriously grossing me out, but most everything does, around here.

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Pop Culture Round-Up

So much good television lately. Did you watch Keen Eddie last Tuesday? Didja? It was awesome. Much better than our assy president's speech. Bravo is showing the full season on Tuesday nights (tonight!) before Queer Eye, which makes it two hours of quality TV heaven. I'm going to pretend like Keen Eddie is still in production and that there's more than 13 episodes. Or maybe I'll just pretend it's a mini-series without conclusion. Which pretty much sucks, if you think about it. Fox Network bastards just let it die. Anyway, I still have 12 episodes to look forward to, so no nasty memos for now.

Last night, I finally gave in and watched My Big Fat Obnoxious Fianc�. Holy, holy crap. I actually loved it. Aside from the freakish similarity between Randi and Sarah Michelle Gellar; it was some damn fine reality television. Quick synopsis: uptight girl agrees to lie to her family and pretend to be engaged to a guy she met on a reality television show. If her entire family attends the wedding, she gets to split a million bucks with the guy. What she doesn't know: The guy is an actor who is doing everything to sabotage her efforts. Example: naked underwear dance. It's like she's trying to fake-marry Chris Farley. It sounds horrible, but it's really freaking funny only because of the actor guy. It wouldn't work with anyone else.

Survivor All-Stars starts on Sunday! Wooo! Rudy is back on the island! Don't let go this time, Rudy! I'm also pleased at the return of Shii Ann. Rupert, Rob C. and Susan will be good for entertainment value. Lex must die.

If you watch Newlyweds (and you know I do) please immediately read Stee's excellent re-cap.

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PS. If you're attempting to get business licensing hand-holding-type help from a stranger via a business development web chat, do not EVER open with "Yo, Adrien! Hahaha, I just had to do that." It will make the chat support person want to kill you. It will also make the chat support person pretend to be automated. How. Can. I. Help. You. Chat. Customer?

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