So last night on TV we had a battle of the made-for-television blondes!

In this corner we have Jessica Lynch, Army Propaganda Queen! She's played by a Canadian actress, which is sure going to piss some good 'ole boys off.

And in this corner we have the sweet and innocent Elizabeth Smart, Mormon Princess, safely back in the folds of her Stepford family.

Who will win?

JL: Bam! I'm in the army! I'll kick your sweet little ass!

ES: Slam! I'm younger and cuter! Lookit my freckled nose!

JL: Shit, kid, I got rescued! So there!

ES: ...aaaaand scene!

JL: You little...pow! At least my own family didn't sell me out!

ES: We did it for Brigham! Go Jesus!

JL: Dude, since we're on the subject, what's with your folks?

ES: Yeah, I don't know. It's kinda creepy. They're always so calm.

JL: Just make sure they get you a good book deal. And remember, always look at the camera! Smile! It's for America!

ES: Gotcha! Smack! Living with crazies has made me lean and wily.

JL: Ow! My nose!

ES: Mom always said, don't play ball in the house, biatch.

JL: ow. You win.

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I know. There is seriously something wrong with me. I was going to write some more about my weekend and such, but it's late and I'm cold and I want to go to bed.

PS. THE FISH HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.

1 chatty monkeys