Hello, my little pug puppies! Did you miss me? I've had a hard week and all the freak-ass change has stressed me out to no end.

So, the new job. Yeah. It's new. I don't know, I almost don't want to talk about it. My first day was Wednesday and it was really uncomfortable, but first days always are. I'm a little scared of the job, a little scared of my new boss, and totally scared that I'm going to crash and burn when the real work kicks in. I haven't used my brain for money in so damn long that I'm not even sure it's possible anymore. Why can't I just putter around for a living? I'm good at that.

The cruddy part is that I have to take this job seriously. I can't lay into the fashion choices and weird habits of my co-workers online anymore. I need this job and I can't risk fucking it up by posting every glorious detail. And damn, are there details. (I will give you this: Halloween-themed vest.) Yeah.

Part of the new-job weirdness is that I now work with a very small group and I haven't quite found my place. I'm not sure where I fit in or even if I will. It's hard to walk by the private conversations and not feel a little left out. We had a group lunch today (all meat, natch) and nobody talked to me at all. Nobody asked me anything about myself or tried to get to know me. That sucked, but I wasn't helping much because situations like this make me Introvert Girl.

Okay, I have to stop talking about it. I need to get used to the job before I can be objective about it. It's a good thing I didn't start this journal when I first started temping or you'd have all thought I was on the verge of suicide every day. Suffice to say, I don't deal with change very well.

Speaking of change, anyone want to help me pack? Hahaha, I know. We're MOVING in FOUR WEEKS. We have to pack eight years of accumulated crap! I don't even know where to start, y'all. The new house is exciting though and I cannot wait to get in there and start making it home. I'm so ready for that part of it.

Boxes. I've become completely obsessed with boxes. I love them. I need them. I see boxes around the office that still have stuff in them and I want them. I go to the grocery store and give the sexy eye to the produce boxes. I practically have an orgasm if I find an empty box WITH HANDLES. If you have boxes and you let me near them, I will steal them from you. Hey, are you using that box? What? Your new computer is still in it? That's cool. So, uh, can I have the box? Now?

And packing. Kenny and I have different methods. My method: pack the box with like items, carefully wrapped, making sure it's still light enough to carry. Kenny's method: load box down with as much crap as will fit in the box. Ignore the fact that the box now weights 800 pounds because you put all the big coffee table art books in it and also your collection of lead weights. Snort.

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Enough of that. Now, on to the important things. Things like Newlyweds: Jessica & Nick. Are you watching this? You should. It's comic gold, people. See, Nick married Jessica because she's got a hot ass and a better career (aka more money). Jessica married Nick because he's got six pack abs and can refrain from laughing directly in her face when she refuses to eat Buffalo wings because "I don't eat Buffalo." Yes, she was serious. No, she has no idea why this is so hilarious.

But, even though she's dumb as a post and he's bossy as hell, I still kind of like both of them. I don't know, man. There's just something cute about a girl that naive and a guy with the patience to be married to her. I mean damn, on a recent episode, they went on a trip to the Bahamas and she worked on getting over her fears of sharks and dolphins. She was scared of dolphins. Dolphins, people. Hee. Also, this is my very favorite Jessica moment:

Jessica: "Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish?"
Pause.
Jessica: "I know it's tuna, but it says chicken..."
Nick stares at her.
Jessica: "...by the sea"
Nick, aghast, stares at her some more.
Jessica: "Is that stupid?"

Ha. Comedy gold.

PS. Shelley has written some great Jessica & Nick recaps.

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Okay, I have one more thing to share, then I have to go to bed. I bought a tomato yesterday. Tomato season (all three weeks of it) is over, so the pickings are slim. Off-season, you mostly have a choice of pale, hothouse, mush tomatoes, firm, tasteless, Romas and plump vine-ripened babies that cost $8 each.

But yesterday there was a new variety, grown in New Jersey, called "Ugly Ripe". Seriously, that was its name. There was also a sticker on this tomato that claimed the Ugly Ripe is "The Tomato that Tastes like a Tomato". Is that not the saddest thing you've ever heard? Their big pitch is that this tomato actually tastes like what it is! What if other products made such claims?

Cheese! The Cheese that Tastes like Cheese!

Beets! The Vegetable That Tastes Like Dirt! Because That's What Beets are Supposed to Taste Like!

Pork! The Meat That Tastes Like Dead Pig! Also, It's Not Really The Other White Meat! We Just Want You To Think It's Healthy To Eat! Like Chicken! Which Actually Tastes Like Chicken!

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Hey, look down there at my new comments thingy! Now you can tell me to go to hell without having to use my guestbook or anything. Whoot!

18 chatty monkeys