Hatches Duly Battened. Or Something.
Wednesday, Sept. 17, 2003 @ 11:11 p.m.

Hi there, watching some Food Network as a break from the endless and incredibly dull hurricane forecast. (Shut up, Rachael Ray. Shut up. Shut. Up. Shut.....Up.) Jamie Oliver was really good tonight- he shoved a whole lemon up a chicken's hoo-ha! Gotta love that. Alton Brown was also adorable as he did various obsessive things with beets.

So, the hurricane. Don't you just love a natural disaster? Gather the candles, strip the grocery store of milk and bread, fill the tub with clean drinking beer and hunker down! But sadly, I'm some sort of grown up now because I really need the day's pay more than I need a snow day. Drat. I hope I don't go to work and then get stuck there. I don't think I can take loan center cabin fever.

But soon- vacation! I really, really hope the hurricane doesn't blow the airport away because I really, really need this vacation. The desert! The food! The not working for a week! We haven't had a real vacation since our honeymoon, almost three years ago. That's a long time without some fun, y'all. If the airport blows away then my ass is going to walk to New Mexico if I have to. Yeah.

****************

In loan center news, I am the worst person in the world. Do you know what happened? The old gang I used to work with (Boss Lady, Milton, Good Mom and the Fourth) got me a good bye card and they all wrote really nice things in it- especially Milton. Also, they included a Lowe's gift card for the new house. Nice people! Nice people who I've made fun of in the past! I'm going straight to hell, for real.

Remember how I used to complain about how quiet they were, how they never talked? Yeah, well, now I know why- it's because they're fucking busy. Ever since my job got amped up in July, I've become the quietest worker monkey, ever. I now feel their quiet pain.

And Milton, God love him. Really, he's a hoot and I've always maintained that I liked him, despite his annoying habits and quirky ways. Now I can only say nice things because when I told him I'd gotten a job he was SO happy for me and said he'd worried that I'd get stuck there forever. Damn, I know. I'm the worst person in the world, aren't I?

****************

I'm worried about the new job. The offer letter stated I was to "start no later than Sept. 29th". Since that was two weeks from when the offer was made, I figured that was my starting date and when I left the voice mail accepting the position (boss is traveling) I said I'd be starting on the 29th.

Today I called the other woman there who I met, just to ask some basic questions. She said "So, Boss said she wanted you to come in next Thursday and Friday just so you could listen in and get a feel for everyone's jobs." Well, that's fine and dandy, except I won't freaking be here? And, uh, was anyone going to fill me in on this new start date? Is this what it's going to be like? Is my new job title going to be "Mind Reader"? Because really, I needed something new to worry about. I hate it when stuff like this happens because it makes everything all uncertain and wonky feeling. I told her I was starting on the 29th and would be out of town all next week. Yeah! I told her! My start date! Or something.

****************

Hello? David Bowie?

Hi, it's me. Hi there, adorable and busy man. Guess what I'm listening too? Yeah, your new album! That's two years in a row, with the new stuff. I'm impressed. What? Yes, I bought it today. Yes, I know it came out yesterday. I was busy. Whatever, dude, I had to work. What? Yeah, it's great. Uh huh, I really liked that part too.

So listen, I'm calling about this world tour you're having. Exciting, yes, I agree. But, um, the DC show? The one that's in December? Right, that doesn't work for me. See, Kenny and I just bought a house and it's kind of expensive. Also, Christmas? Is in December. And what's with concert ticket prices these days? $80??? That's freaking outrageous. TicketMaster, I know. I hate them too.

But look, see, you have a lot of money. No, dude, trust me, you have a LOT of money. So, do you think maybe you could hook a girl up? No? Hey, remember when I spent six hours on a train to New York just to see you at the Kit Kat club? Yeah, and my hotel room on that trip? Didn't have a private bathroom. No, it was in the hall. No, I'm not kidding! Dude, I did that for you! I even bought "Tonight"! To be honest, it wasn't your best. Yeah, you heard me, it stank.

Also! I've probably paid for a good chunk of Duncan's education, what with the records, books, posters, concert tickets, t-shirts and magazines I've bought over the years. Think about that. No, I know you love your fans, we love you too, but really $80? Do I get a souvenir t-shirt sewn with gold thread? What? Who's bitchy? Look...I know....I know...but...okay, I'm sorry. No, really, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that about "Tonight".

So, about that concert. In Washington. Washington. Washington DC! Sheesh. Anyway, could you maybe just reschedule it? No? Okay. Okay. You have to go? Okay. Could I call you later? You'll call me? That's cool. So listen... Hello? Hello?

0 chatty monkeys

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