What�s Your Name? Also, Who�s Your Daddy?
Tuesday, Jul. 08, 2003 @ 3:06 p.m.

Hee, I have an immense amount of work to do today, but nobody is here but me? How am I to work under such circumstances? Right, I don't.

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Names.

Names are interesting. Really, think about the person you are, and the name you have. Do you like your name? Does it feel like you? Did you feel like you needed to grow into it, or do you feel you've grown out of it?

I feel lucky that I've always really liked my name. It's strong, non-flighty, it's unisex (which results in some interesting junk mail), and best of all, you can't shorten it into something horrible. I'm not big into nicknames, really. (Even though I'm amused that my grandmother and great aunts were known as Kitty, Ditty and Dot. Say that three times fast and then think about the 1940's in a nostalgic way. Cute, right?)

The only thing I don't like about my name is the association with a certain movie in which my name is grunted loudly in a sweaty, desperate way. Don't. Do. It. Ever. Really, no shit. If you meet an Adrien (or Adrienne/Adrianne/Adrian) don't do it. You're not original or funny or clever. You might also get whomped across the head for your troubles. But I digress.

So I like my name, but what happens when I have to name someone else? It takes me days to name a pet, what about a kid? That's a lot of pressure. I can't imagine having to pick the name of a whole other person. I'm responsible for whether my future daughter is taken seriously or not. Porn star or president? It's up to me.

And what if I have a good girl name all planned out (something like Ava or Olivia or Lucy or Eleanor) and then the baby is born and just isn't an Ava or Olivia or Lucy or Eleanor? What if I give birth to a Ethel or a Bertha? Jesus. What if I name my child something that she grows up to hate? Is this why that fool George Foreman named all his kids George? (What is that?)

Hell, some names are just asking for trouble. I remember a friend of mine relating her reaction to finding out that her brother had named his first born daughter Kayla. "Oh, my God! That's a stripper name! You want your daughter to be a stripper?!" Her brother didn't speak to her for weeks after that, but you know what? It's kind of true. If you name a girl something like Tiffani-Amber, she'll either become a porn star or a bad TV actress. Your call. (Of course, going by this theory, my husband, by rights, should be a country-western singer.)

Then there's the weird name-association thing. No child of mine will ever be named: Bonnie, Greta, Robbie, Vivian or Denise. These are fine names, but I associate unpleasantness with them, so it will never happen. I'm also not going to go all Hollywood on my kids and give them names like Sailor or Brooklyn. It's tired.

I'm not big into popular names (being that mine, while not rare, is not terribly common) but I like classic names. I really loved looking at all the popular names from the 20's and 30's (see link below). They all sound like old-lady names now, but once, they were the Kaitlyn and Dakota of their time.

Ugh, Kaitlyn and Dakota. Why? Why name your child something trendy and cute that 8 bajillion other kids are also named? Go for classic if you can't be original. Go for Alice or Lucille or Henry or Lawrence. And for the love of God, if you have twins, don't even think about giving them matchy-matchy names. That just sucks. Poor twins.

Ooh, you know what I do like? Cowboy names. Not to name my kids with, but just in general. Have you ever watched a rodeo on TV? Those guys are all named things like Cody and Buck and Jess and Clint. Cowboy names! Fantastic.

PS. If I had been a boy, my name would be Rys. If my sister had been a boy, her name would be Paul, after Paul McCartney. Hee.

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Hi, my name is Link.

What? Okay, here's the link that started this whole boring thing. Fun! Track the popularity of your name through the years! Read the current list to make your eyes roll.

Here's a NY Times article about the link above.

Do you read LuxOlive's Diary? You should. Today's entry is hilarious.

Here are some odd names.

0 chatty monkeys

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