There Is Crying In Step Aerobics.
Wednesday, Jun. 25, 2003 @ 4:12 p.m.

So here I am. At work and nothing to do. At all. I do have a woman-parts doctor appointment at noon, so that ought to break up the day nicely, what with the cranking open and prodding of tender woman areas and all. Yay, I have such a grand life.

Also, I'm in random bits of pain, due to the cardio/weights class I took at the gym last night, in which I was alternately tortured with cardio, then free weights, then cardio, then resistance bands. Normally I love some weight lifting, but I'd laid off it for the last month, due to my shoulder injury (all better now, thanks). I lifted a bit lighter than I had been, but damn, that shit felt heavier than I remember. I'm happy I can start lifting again, though. I enjoy the building of muscle.

The cardio section? Mostly okay at first, just jumping jacks and jump rope. Cool. Then, the instructor lowered the boom by announcing that we were moving on to the step aerobics portion of the class. Now, I can ride a bike for two hours or whip through a kickboxing class without any problems, but put me on a step and it's all very, very bad. Very bad. I've slunk out of more step aerobic classes than I can tell you. I think I might have even cried once. I'm shamefully bad.

See, step classes always start out okay, like- right foot up, left foot up, right foot down, left foot down. Easy!

Ha.

Just when you think you're doing okay, everything goes all crazy- "Around the world! Now Charleston! Reverse! Tick-tock! Reverse! Kick-step right! Jump step! Kick-step left! Double right kick-step back! Now reverse it!"

I try, flailing legs and arms in all the wrong ways. I continue to try, confusing my right side with my left. I think I'm starting to get it right, then realize I'm looking at the instructor in the mirror, so everything's reversed. This usually ends with me standing limply behind my step, chin trembling, while my head whips back and forth in confusion.

Last night I got so frustrated I ended up kicking my step, intentionally. The best part? The instructor is probably even worse at step than I am. He learned the one 6 minute routine just for that class, but hasn't quite got the hang of it, so God forbid you use him for guidance. Everyone else seemed to understand it perfectly, though. That figures.

Tonight, I'm going to do a kickboxing class, which is a soft, cuddly bunny of comfort compared to the cold, hard world of step aerobics.

******************************

Memos

Memo to: my Woman-Parts Doctor

Hi there, thanks for being speedy with the cranking and prodding part of the appointment, but can I have a word? My appointment was for 12pm. I arrived at 12pm. I didn't see you until 12:45ish. Not speedy. I think this means you owe me a lunch break, especially since you make a bajillion dollars more than I do. I think maybe tomorrow you should have to sit, low-paid and bored, at my desk for an hour, while I gad about and get lunch and maybe come back on time. Okay then.

Memo to: Subway

I really just wanted a sandwich and a big cup of unsweetened iced tea. I bought the large sized cup because I really, really wanted that tea. Your being out of it after I paid for the cup is so freaking typical. I'm not going to go all Lizzie Grubman on your ass, but damn, why is there no more tea? I'm the only one that drinks the unsweetened shit and I haven't even been in this week! Work on it, is all I'm saying.

Memo to: Interview Lady

Okay, hi. Remember me? You interviewed me and then had me come in last Monday and work for a day? Right, me. Yeah, I haven't heard from you? I know you were out of the office last week, but aren't you back now? Could you just go ahead and put me out of my misery so I know what to do next? Also, if you're not going to hire me, could you at least go ahead and pay me for the day I worked so I don't feel foolish and vaguely screwed over? Thanks ever so.

Memo to: The Employment Gods.

Look, I'm sorry. For real, I am. I know I haven't been the most loyal and obedient worker; I know I don't play the Spirit game well, but could you please just let up a little? I've been working in temp purgatory for nearly nine months and I'm really sorry for whatever it was I did wrong. Maybe, pretty please, could you just help me out a little here? I'll be grateful and everything. I promise. Bitches.

*****************************

No links. I got nothing.

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