Today RULES. Here's why: I arrived to work to find that my boss is home sick and Milton has moved to his new desk way over on the other side of the floor. It's so peaceful today! I don't have to work at all! Yay!

Also, as a divine sort of retribution, Milton has been put at a desk next to someone even more unstable than he is. This woman is a loose cannon and (according to my right-side cube neighbor) has been known to "fall out" at work. Cube neighbor couldn't define what, exactly, falling out involves, but said an ambulance was called the last time it happened. Apparently she gets worked up.

This is dangerous stuff, folks. It's like putting some sort of flammable, bomb-making material next to some sort of triggering device. That analogy would work a lot better if I actually knew anything about bombs. I'll try again. It's like taking a really nervous poodle and locking it in a bland gray closet with a riled up terrier. Or something like that. Whatever, it's going to be quite the spectator sport.

So right now, it's just a few of us left, waiting to be moved to the "other side" of the building. I wish I could find a picture of the building where I work. It's an 80's architect's wet dream. Imagine a four-storied rectangular building, half tiled, half green glass bricks, with a giant (and completely useless) atrium splitting it down the center. This means it not only has different floors, it has different sections of floors. I get lost all the time. Moving me to the other side of the atrium is not going to help get me found.

PS. No call yet about the job. Hire me or I SEND IN THE CLOWNS!

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Central troubles of loan in the form of note .

Effective immediately, the following phrases will no longer be allowed for use in the loan center: "my bad" "cool beans" "Is it Friday yet?"

To the girl in the parking lot: please do not wear low-rise jeans with a high-rise thong. I saw way, way more of your floss than I'd ever counted on.

To the woman across the way: wow, you bought a new Mercedes? And your husband just bought a newer version of your old Sebring? Wow, that story is even more fascinating than the first three times you told it! Tell it again! Tell it again!

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Not to make the disorder with Texas!

So, Luxolive is leaving tomorrow for a vacation in France and seemed a little stressed out about having to learn French in approximately 24 hours. To help her out, I translated a few much-used phrases, with the use of Altavista's Babelfish (which is never, ever wrong, even though it translated "I feel pretty!" into "I smell myself enough!" )

Hello = bonjour

I am happy to be in your beautiful country. = Je suis heureux d'�tre dans votre beau pays.

Where is the nearest McDonalds? = O� est le McDonalds le plus proche?

I'd like an order of freedom fries.= Je voudrais un ordre des fritures de libert�.

Does this come with ketchup? = Est-ce que ceci viennent avec le ketchup?

What did you say to me?= Qu'avez-vous dit � moi?

Well, screw you, frenchy! = Bien, baisez-vous, � la fran�ais!

America rules! France drools! = R�gles de l'Am�rique! Drools de la France!

Don't hit me! I'm actually Canadian! = Ne me frappez pas! Je suis r�ellement canadien!

Aren't I a good friend? I just saved Luxolive from getting beat up. Viva La France!

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Recreation and Bonds Amusing For You.

Wow. Vincent Gallo is really, really strange.

Dan's New Gallery of Scary Clowns. Not for the faint of heart.

The art of bad translation can best be seen at Engrish.com.

0 chatty monkeys