Never Had a Single Lesson!
Wednesday, Apr. 02, 2003 @ 3:50 p.m.


Nine times?
Nine Times.

Whee. Back at work. My afternoon off yesterday was actually pretty nice. It reminded me of the massive amounts of free time I had when I was unemployed. Sadly, I felt too cruddy to do much more than loll around on the couch and watch TV.

I watched "A Makeover Story" and two episodes of "A Dating Story" and avoided "A Wedding Story" and "A Baby Story" like the plague. Funny, I don't mind watching people get beautified or going on dates, but I completely lose interest when they get married and start breeding.

Maybe it's because there tends to be lots of crying and high-pitched wailing with weddings and babies? I don't want to hear it. I also hate, on the baby story, having to listen to the couple explain about the new BAY-BEE to whatever children they already have. Boring.

I also watched a lot of VH1's "I Love The 80's" which is addictive like crack. You can watch that shit for hours and be entertained. The cameo appearances are great too. Henry Rollins? Hal Sparks? Right on. Television good. Television friend.

**********************************

Drugs?
Thank you, no. I'm straight.
I meant, are you in here for drugs?
Why are you here?
Drugs.

Benadryl. Such a useful drug, when used properly. They will tell you that two caplets is a dose. That is a lie. One caplet is more than enough to stop your sneezing and put you right to sleep in a happy way. We call it Moon Juice in our house.

But two caplets is whole other world of weirdness. Sunday and Monday night I took full doses to help me breathe and (more importantly) sleep. I was out like a light, but I had some majorly stressful and fucked up dreams. The kind of dreams where you know you're dreaming but it doesn't change anything and you're still completely stressed out by whatever horror scenario your Benadryl-addled mind has created.

Then, I woke up feeling drugged and hung-over to the Xtreme. Ultimate Crap! TO THA X-Treme! I felt that way for hours. And I did this to myself twice! When I mentioned to Kenny that I'd taken two caplets, he looked horrified and said "I've never taken more than one." I went cold turkey last night and slept like a baby.

I did not feel drugged this morning, but I did feel grumpy, which means that I'm starting to feel better. Another sign that I'm feeling better: Kenny and I had a Super-Slo-Mo Kung Fu Fight in the kitchen last night. It had been almost a week! The beauty of the super-slo-mo fight is that you get to kick or punch in slo-mo (triple round-house!), then watch your victim recoil and fall in slo-mo while making slo-mo kung fu fight noise sounds. It's excellent fun.

**********************************

Snooty?!
Snotty.
Snotty?!

Milton is so stressed out. He's doing the deep sigh, he's flapping paper, he's mumbling, he's cursing at the phone when it rings. He really is going to blow any day now and damn, I hope I'm at lunch when it happens. I really don't want to witness the loan officer freak-out.

And as I reported yesterday, Smarmy's gone! While I'm delighted, I'm also a little sad, because who will I make fun of? His replacement is dull and matronly- not a good source of hilarity. Sorry about that. Maybe she'll wear Winnie-The-Pooh stirrup pants to work tomorrow and surprise us all?

**********************************

I weep for the future.

I'm speechless. Fries with that?

Zora Day? Ew.

You cannot make this shit up.

0 chatty monkeys

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