Stay Gold, Moron.
Thursday, Mar. 27, 2003 @ 2:43 p.m.

Hi! I'm still crazy busy at work, but somehow I don't care as much as I did yesterday. I can't afford to have a work ethic. Anyway, you may have ended up here because you clicked on one of my super-hilarious banner ads, featuring Stella the Cereal Box cat.

Now, before you start thinking I'm Braggy McBraggerson, I must give credit where credit is due. The lovely and talented Lux Olive created my banners and she's funnier than I could ever be. I guess that means my banners are false advertising. But, hey, I'm funny too! And not a depressed teenager! I will not bore you with detailed descriptions of my dreams. I will not speak graphically about my sex life. I will never subject you to badly-written poetry. My mission is pure: to be snarky, to make fun of people I work with, and to make you laugh. Read on, classy bitchez.

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Lake. Big Lake.

My car is not pretty or sexy or even shiny. It does not have a cd player or working air conditioning. It doesn't have power windows, locks or steering. All this aside, I adore my car. We have an understanding- it doesn't break down on me in awkward places (like, say, the middle of the highway) and I'll keep it supplied with fresh oil and mufflers.

It's an '88 Chevy Nova (made by Toyota) and it's got 144 thousand miles on it. It's been quite the reliable friend to me for the past five years, but I know it's days are numbered. I will cry when I have to get rid of my sturdy little car.

So keeping that in mind, picture if you will:

Happy, shiny Adrien; wearing pointy-toed boots, lip gloss in place, hair strategically mussed, ready for the work day. I get in my car and turn the key. It tries to start. It tries to start. It tries to start. It does not start. Fuuuuuck.

Being stubborn and/or in denial, I keep trying. Hold gas pedal down, count to ten. Try to start car. It tries to start. It tries to start. It tries to start. It does not start.

I sit blankly in my car, staring at the steering wheel. I try to start the car. It tries to start. It does not start. No. Nooooo. No. Visions of abject poverty flash through my head. Visions of tow trucks and rental cars and large mechanics bills. Visions of loan payments, of maxed-out credit cards, of creditors, of jail time. I try to start the car. It does not start.

I finally give up and go back in the house to call Kenny, who can talk me down from any potential freak-out. He tells me there's probably moisture in the engine from the rain last night (my delicate car does not care for rain). He tells me to raise the hood and wait 20 minutes, then try again.

20 minutes later, I try again. It starts. See? Amazing little trooper, my car. But I know this is only the beginning of the end and soon I will have to give up and buy something newer, perhaps even something made in the 1990's. A girl can dream.

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Thin The Herd.

Oh my God, Smarmy is on a roll today. There was a free office lunch today (with a vegetarian option! Planets align! Worlds collide!) and it's all he's talked about all day. When he speaks, it's similar to how a hyperactive 10 year old would sound- very fast and loud, with a side of eager boastfulness. He always sounds as if he's used to being ignored. Ha.

My boss was just relating a story about a pair of bird who are nesting in her birdhouse. She was in the middle of describing the bird's coloring when Smarmy interrupted: "HEY THAT'S AN EASTERN BLUEBIRD THEY'RE REALLY RARE YOU KNOW." 10 bucks says he totally made that up.

Ha! Milton just said something about laser tag and Smarmy piped up with "Ooooh, I love that game!" What a surprise. Staggering, really. Stay Gold, moron.

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Linktastic!

The Chevy Nova rules, especially when it's a Corolla.

I finished reading Grand Ambition and it was really excellent (thanks Alice!). It's a novel about the true story of Glen and Bessie Hyde, who, in 1928, attempted to run the Grand Canyon rapids in a homemade scow. Right before the end of their trip, they completely vanished. There are rumors and legends about what may have happened, but this book chooses a different fate. A very good read.

I totally forgot Survivor moved to Wednesdays and I missed it! Blah. The recaps at Television Without Pity are great, though, so I'll have to wait for them to update.

Man, I really loved The Goonies but not as much as these guys. Damn, that's some serious geek power.

0 chatty monkeys

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