Dancing Cats and Circus Peanuts.

So hi there. I don't really have any kind of cute theme today because, though I'm a creative girl, I can't figure out a way to tie-in Circus Peanuts and a dancing cat. It just cannot be done. Okay then, read on.

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One Kitty Evening.

Back in my single days when it was just me and Zephyr, alone in a little efficiency apartment, I discovered something great. Zephyr, an otherwise slightly wild and unsentimental cat, loved to have me sing to her. Any song would work but she preferred sad love songs by such artists as Patsy Cline and The Stray Cats.

When I sang to her, she'd run around me, meowing frantically, and occasionally dance a little on her back legs. Then I'd take her in my lap and finish the song, looking into her eyes while she watched me, transfixed. I'm not kidding about this, I swear.

So last night I was strolling around the house singing Lady Marmalade and Zephyr started tagging along after me, meowing and swatting at me to get my attention. I'd forgotten all about her love of my singing (she's the only one) so I started singing Have You Ever Been Lonely followed by Crazy which segued nicely into I Won't Stand In Your Way. Zephyr meowed, she danced, she sat in my lap, transfixed, just like the old days.

I decided Kenny had to see this so I sang my way into the living room where he was watching TV.

"Honey, you have to watch this! Zephyr freaks out when I sing to her! She loves it!"

I started singing and Zephyr glanced at me, and then sauntered over to the water bowl for a drink.

"Wait, she's just thirsty. Hang on a sec. She'll do it, I swear."

Zephyr finished drinking and I started singing again. She just looked at me like "Dude, what?"

"Goddammit, Zephyr, what's wrong with you! Show Kenny your little singing dance!"

She sat down, looking bored.

Kenny looked at Zephyr, then looked at me, and slowly, with perfect comic timing, opened his mouth and said:

"RRRRRRIIIIIBBIT."

I died.

Once I recovered, Kenny held Zephyr up in a floppy way while I moved her legs and sang Ragtime Gal.

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A word about the Circus Peanut.

NASTY. There's your word. That's the one you were thinking of, right? They're orange, yet banana flavored (Deceptive candy!), they're marshmallow, but not soft. They're nasty. And useless as a food item.

However, they aren't completely useless. I can tell you this: if you decided to torture your older sister by doing something like hot-glue-gunning glitter-sprayed circus peanuts to a picture frame, it's a really great thing.

See, what happens is, the glittery peanuts stay slightly sticky forever and dust clings to them. So then you have a frame that's glittery, sticky and dusty, but also is weird enough for visitors to be attracted to it and want to touch it. You can watch, with glee, their horror and repulsion when they realize what they've touched. Good stuff.

My sister, in retaliation for the frame, glued spangly circus peanuts to a pair of thrift store pumps and gave them to me for my birthday. Good times.

Now, I got a couple of strong reactions to my "Things I Don't Eat: Circus Peanuts" comment yesterday. Captivefirefly agreed with me completely on the utterly deceptive nastiness of them. My friend Noah, however, sent me this email:

Don't knock circus peanuts man! Cummon they're orange, peanut shaped and taste like banana, that's like the most perfectly American thing ever! They should be our national food!

Noah, I know we've been friends since kindergarten, but you've gone too far, man. I'm afraid I can't handle this new, evil, side of your personality. I just need some time apart, is all. I need some time to think about this. I don't know if I'm prepared to deal with the reality of your Circus Peanut love.

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Bad-candy.com says it all.

Oh, man. Cooking with Circus Peanuts. Just so wrong.

Ribbit.

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