Blame it on Raisins

Grr, it's so freaking loud here today. My boss has been dithering around a lot, helping the two new fools learn how to do their jobs. It's not really their fault, as they weren't properly trained to begin with. Unfortunately, a lot of her dithering is happening in the cube next to mine, which means she has a clear view of my monitor. No fun.

Milton has been his usual annoying self:

Scuttling backandforthbackandforthbackandforth, delivering loud, put-upon sighs, mumbling randomly at no one and, of course, getting deeply angry at his phone. Sometimes he scuttles around while obsessively clicking a ballpoint pen. Right now he's stabbing out a phone number with his Pointer Finger of Anger.

What's that, Milton? You can't get any work done because your phone keeps ringing? Well, that is totally new information! Thanks for filling us in.

Goddamit, I wish everyone SIT DOWN. Why can't they all just hold still for five minutes? I can't write, what with all the dithering and clicking and backandforth shit. Jesus.

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Ah, the sound of piped-in elevator jazz musak. The music here at Bank of X changes depending on what time of day it is.

Mornings: oldies, everything from The Beach Boys to Aretha Franklin.
Mid-day: crappy, crappy smooth jazz musak.
Afternoons: a bizarre mix of current and 80's pop/rock. It'll be Britney Spears, then Ace of Base, then Cher, then U2. It makes no sense.

And then, there's the music at Christmas time. From Thanksgiving to New Year's Eve, we get piped-in Christmas music all day, with a slim rotation of about 30 songs. It filled me with the spirit of rage. I hated White Christmas. I hated The Twelve Days of Christmas. I hated all the Merry Gentlemen. Hell, I even ended up hating Feliz Navidad, formerly my favorite. And God forbid if you're Jewish or Muslim, because most of them were Christmas songs, not "holiday" songs. Ugh. It was enough to break anyone. Yet, somehow, I'm still here.

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Whoot! A new season of Survivor starts tonight! This year it's the Amazon and the teams are men vs. women. Hopefully it will be more interesting than last year's Season of The Bad McGyver Mullet. I liked nobody last year except Shii Ann. She ruled.

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Oooh, check out the Alanis Morissette Random Lyric Generator and have it write an angsty song for you!

Here's mine:

"I Think"

I Think dried fruits are really a huge problem
I Think vegans are too much on my mind
I Think raisins have got a lot to do with why the world sucks
But what can you do?

Like a red rain, beating down on me
Like a Whitman line, which won't let go of my brain
Like Jude Law's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on Raisins
Blame it on Raisins
Blame it on Raisins

I Think seeds are gonna drive us all crazy
And grapes make me feel like a child
I Think raisins will eventually be the downfall of civilization
But what can you do? I said what can you do?

Like a red rain, beating down on me
Like a Whitman line, which won't let go of my brain
Like Jude Law's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on Raisins
Blame it on Raisins
Blame it on Raisins

Like a red rain, beating down on me
Like Jude Law's smile, cruel and cold
Like Whitman's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on Raisins
Blame it on Raisins
Blame it on Raisins

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Thanks to all of you that wrote me about Andrew and Captain Archer. Whee! Sexy.

0 chatty monkeys